Need a little help with writing your resume? Well, here’s the stuff that you definitely shouldn’t do.

1. Include some stupid email address from high school, like pingaz@hotmail.com, surfdude_69@live.com or asos_babe@gmail.com. It doesn’t matter how awesome your resume is, if your email is cone_puncher2000@hotmail.com then you don’t have a chance.

2. A photo of you looking hella hot. It’s not Tinder mate, it’s a resume. We recommend no photo at all (because it reduces the tendency for employers to favour people they consider attractive) but if you’re going to use one, just do a simple headshot.

3. A shitty font. Stick to something simple, like Helvetica, Times or Arial. Stay away from the obvious monstrosities, like Comic Sans, Impact or Jokerman.

4. Your Nationality. Unless you’re applying for a job in Pauline Hanson’s office, it really shouldn’t matter where you were born. Maybe if you’re applying for a job at a Spanish restaurant and you mention that your parents are Venezuelan and they’ve been speaking Spanish to you since you were a small child – that might be an exception. Otherwise, just leave it out and rely on your qualifications/personality.

5. More than two pages of words. A good resume should only be one or two pages. If you’ve got a lot of experience, start cutting the least irrelevant info until you have a clear and concise document. No one wants to read seven pages about all the stuff you’ve ever done in your life.

6. Unflattering information. So your ATAR was 43. That’s fine. Maybe you worked really hard to get a 43 or maybe you didn’t. Either way, it’s probably better to leave it off your resume. Just say that you completed high school.

7. Hobbies. Really, hobbies? Is your employer going to care that you like bird-watching and basket weaving in your spare time? Maybe they will, but this information is generally best left for conversation, rather than to be put forth as a job qualification.

8. Typos. Check your resume and re-check it and then get your sister/brother to check it again. One typo is more than enough to make an employer throw your resume in the bin.

9. Your primary school. No one cares. Seriously.

10. A list of all the subjects you did at school. This screams: ‘I don’t have any experience so I decided to bulk my resume out with irrelevant crap.’ Only include a subject or two if they’re really relevant to the job – like if you aced woodwork and you’re after a carpentry apprenticeship.

11. A reference from your mum. Your mum’s not the one to vouch for you in this situation, neither is ya dad. Get a sporting coach, a family friend, one of your teachers or, ideally, a previous employer.

12. The words ‘CV’, ‘Curriculum Vitae’ or ‘Resume’. It should be obvious to the employer what they’re looking at – you shouldn’t need to tell them that it’s a resume.

13. Desperation. We’re all desperate, but if there’s one thing to remember, it’s that you should never admit desperation.

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