This isn’t some fluffy advice article to get yourself in the mood for some light studying for those exams next month. This is for full-blown panic mode, exam-is-in-12-hours-and-I’m-still-on-my-phone type students. We’re not going to tell you to listen to some kitsch motivational speech, nor are we going to talk about some cute study techniques, like colour-coded cue cards– as if that’s going to help at this point. We’re going tell you that you’re a fucking idiot for leaving it this late, but you’d be an even bigger idiot if you do nothing about it now. If this sounds like your cup of tea, then you better bloody read on.

1. Get out of bed (and into some clothes)

Damn straight I’m assuming you’re still in bed. You’re probably alternating scrolling between Facebook and Instagram, and just five minutes ago you dropped your phone on your face. Stop it. Get out of bed and put on some fuckin’ respectable clothes; it’s business time. 

2. Drop everything

Whatever it is you need to do, you need to do it now. Not after dinner, not after another message, not even after another round of Fortnite. Just like how you’re never actually going to start going to the gym if you keep putting it off ‘til later, you’re never going to get any study done if you let another excuse delay you. Bonus points if you don’t even make it to the end of this article because you stepped the fuck up, turned this off and got straight to it.

3. Force yourself to start something

The hardest part about studying is starting, so once you get rolling it’ll be so much easier to keep going. That means you can do some of the most basic shit to begin with and momentum will move you towards doing the stuff that matters. Start by writing a bloody title if you need to. Or copy a page in a textbook word for word. You’ll get to the actual studying soon.

4. Kill your distractions

I’m not just talking about changing your passwords to things, I’m talking about giving your phone to somebody so you literally can’t get distracted by it. Buy an old computer that only has enough power to run Word and nothing else. Break up with your boyfriend so he’ll stop texting you fuckboi emojis at 1am. Spread rumours about yourself so your friends will stop talking to you or inviting you to parties. Really kill those damn distractions.

 5. Go to a public space

Other articles will tell you that changing your environment can give you the boost you need to really get into a good study session, but really it’s because you can’t sleep or watch porn in a public library. And with those two major distractions out of your way, you can do anything.

6. Drink a coffee

Make it seven if you need to. Have that powdered instant shit and shove a bunch of tablespoons in a single cup if you need to. There’s no napping here. You’re going to get caffeinated and get this study done.

jo trans@brasso82

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