To the friends I’m scared to lose,

You know the spot we’d meet at every single day? You know, the one in the quad that had the perfect balance of sun and shade? The place we’d go for recess and lunch to complain about our test results, or how short that girl’s skirt was or how hot that teacher looked today? It was an unspoken rule- it was our spot.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget lying on the couch or slumping on the end of one of your beds after school, curling up in front of Netflix and finding comfort sitting beside you in silence, scrolling Facebook and Instagram, occasionally commenting about a Tasty video, a funny vine or a Snapchat story. Sometimes I’d tag all of you in something hilarious when you were all sitting beside me and I’d wait impatiently for you to notice and crack a smile.

Remember when we organised our entire futures together? How all of us would plan when we’d have our children? How we’d buy houses on the same street and have dinners outside in the fading light every single week? We promised we would stay friends forever and ever, for we all held the qualities that good, true friends held.

Our hilarious group messages… The hours playing FIFA… School sports days… 14th, 15th, 16th birthday parties…. Getting our first jobs, our licenses (or lack thereof), our first kisses… The school formal (ha ha ha…).

I’ve started to see the fade now. Or maybe it just feels weird and uncomfortable because we’re not hanging out every day anymore. Sometimes I see you all updating your Facebook with photos of other friends, friends I’ve never even heard of. This is so weird, because we used to know every little thing about each other.

I’m really scared to lose you all. You were instrumental to who I have become today. You have been there through every weird and obscure struggle that now seems like nothing- his indirect status, the time she pashed him again, every time we had a huge fight with our parents or our siblings. We were there for each other.

Who do I tell that stuff to now? Can I just text one of you randomly with a ‘hey, my sister sucks, I’ll fill you in tomorrow’? I can’t, can I? Because the reality is, there isn’t a tomorrow anymore- there’s no school. Everyone’s working or travelling or living a different life.

It’s already the end of January. Then Australia Day. Then February and then what? It’s not school anymore. It’s not us in the quad anymore. Some of us know what we want to do- some of us have plans! Some of us don’t, and we’re scared of being left behind, lost in the whirlwind of growing up.

I have to face the reality that there’s a chance we might fade away… that our posse will halve, or change or completely disappear. I promise not to grow bitter, because that’s life, right?

I promise not to forget the time we had, and I promise to allow life to take its inevitable course.

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