Being the spiritual mum of your friend group can be quite the task.
You’re expected to keep the group from falling apart and stop your friends from passing out on a night out thanks to too many shots. Here’s a few of things you’ll be familiar with if you’re the designated mother.
You send thought-out and extensive messages like:
“Hey Guys! So, I was thinking that this weekend we can start pres at Josh’s and then go to Pub A and then Club B, make sure everyone brings their ID and checks in on Facebook so we get free entry. Is 6pm okay for everyone? If 6 isn’t then blah blah blah blah… Thanks, see you on Friday!”
It’ll be sent on a Monday in the group chat and then, after all your hard work, you’ll get a one word reply. No one messages with the same level of care as you do.
You’ll go immediately into survival mode as soon as a friend falls over or starts vomiting. You make sure everyone has eaten before going out. You always have hand sanitiser, bandaids, baby wipes, a safety pin, gum and tissues in your bag. Better safe than sorry!
You’re always alert instead of truly getting loose on a night out.
This also extends to people beyond your crew- see a girl crying in the bathroom because her dress broke? You’re the one to swoop in and save the day.
Someone throwing up outside the club after their own friends have ditched them? You’ll find them a spew bag, a bottle of water and get them safely in an Uber on the way home.
It’s your skills with Google Maps that will be used for walks back to the closest train station after a big night out and you’ll be the one held accountable if the group gets lost and misses the last train (which never happens, of course).
Road trips rely solely on your ability to read what exit to get off at and pee breaks are timed with your knowledge of how far away the next Maccas is.
You’re the deso driver, the taxi to the beach, the lift at 3am from a friend who doesn’t want to pay for an actual taxi as well as driving yourself around to run errands. While this means you get shouted Maccas more often than not, those petrol costs aren’t cheap.
You’re the one your friends turn to when there’s a minor mishap in a relationship or a full-blown breakup. You know the exact thing to say and have a bunch of positive, inspirational quotes ready to pull at a moment’s notice. Sometimes all you want is someone to return the favour.
Despite the responsibilities, the driving and holding back your friends hair when they’re chucking their guts up, you wouldn’t change your extremely important role for anything.
Being the symbolic mum is something that you couldn’t give up even if you tried so keep on being the nurse, the therapist and writing giant paragraphs until your friends finally get their shit together.