16 Nov 2020

I look at the number. The number that my thirteen years of education has been leading up to. The number that scales my academic intelligence and stamina. The number that will determine my future...

My heart sinks like a deflated balloon. That's it? That's all I got? 

"Well isn't this just kick-you-in-the-crotch-spit-on-your-neck-fantastic," I mumble as my brain goes into a frenzy.

Maybe there is a glitch in the system! No... Surely not. Maybe I'm reading it wrong!... Nope. That's definitely it. Maybe... Oh ffs, there are no possible excuses. This is definitely my score.

My phone lights up with messages from my mates sharing their ATAR's. What should I do? Should I lie? Should I pretend to be nonchalant? Or should I just tell them the truth? The truth being that I want to move to Yemen and live my days out as a goat, hiding from the rest of the world.

How can I go on being such a colossal failure? I mean, I wasn't expecting a revolutionary mark. School has never been an environment that I particularly thrive in and yeah, maybe I could have studied a teensy bit harder... but jeez, I still expected a pretty red hot mark.

I never thought a number would make me feel so unbelievably small. A number. A stupid number. 

But seriously, what does that number know anyways? Does it know how I can light up a room? How I can play every Beatles song on guitar? How I wake up at 6AM every morning to surf? How loyal, bold, creative, funny, daring and passionate I am? Yeah, I'm tooting my own horn! Bloody sue me! I'm more than a number and hey, so are you.

But what about the future? I think as my stomach fills with butterflies. I mean, we have it drilled into us that our ATAR is the be all and end all – that the success of our entire lives depends on that number... What will I do??

This isn't the time to have a pity party or have a frazzling frenzy. This is the time to pick myself back up and SEND IT in spite of my ATAR. I mean, my final marks aren't an indicator of my success. What I do next is what really counts. 

This is where having a Post-School Plan comes into play. This allows me to dream as grand as I want whilst also working out feasible options and pathways. There's no point dwelling on a number, instead, being proactive about my future whilst being open and honestly, excited, is keeping me sane.

Keeping my eyes on the prize despite a set back is being anything but a failure. Knowing that I'm more than a number is nothing but a success.