07 May 2017

Growing up as a male in Australia, you’re often told not to be “a pussy.” Instead, you’re supposed to “man up” and “be one of the boys.” Because “boys will be boys,” and that’s just how it works.

And yet we’re still pretty confused about what makes a “real man”. There’s a certain amount of pressure to be tough, to be loyal to da boiz, to be cool, fit and in control. And while men and boys are more than welcome to be the men they want to be, no one wants to be that old-school dad who’s casually sexist, unable to communicate with anyone except other men and constantly smells like Tooheys.

Being a man is different to how it used to be, and as the world catches up and properly acknowledges the rights of women and trans folk, you don’t want to be left behind. So how do you avoid being casually or accidentally sexist?

1. Sexualising every woman

There’s a tendency to sexualise women, even when it’s completely irrelevant. It happens in ads and movies and on Instagram. And yeah, maybe the girl working at your local cafe is a babe, and there are times when it’s perfectly fine to comment that she is, in fact, a babe. But if every time you see a female, you rate her on a scale of 1 to 10, then you’re being sexist. You need to understand that girls actually exist in a whole range of capacities that go far beyond your sexual fantasies about them. They have interests, hobbies, careers and relationships that have absolutely nothing to with how they look, and it’s fundamentally important to acknowledge and respect that.

2. Cat-calling

Nothing good ever came from yelling at a woman from a car window. “Oh but I was just giving her a compliment.” Nah, you were doing the thing we just mentioned above and potentially making her feel a bit unsafe. Just don’t.

3. The word “slut”

If you’re the kind of guy who goes around talking about “sluts” as if they’re these dirty and disposable objects, and you think it’s cool to be a “player”, then you need to have a good think about the difference between the two.

Why is it that women still get demonised for having casual sex while men are allowed to be proud of it? And if you’re a guy who wants to have casual sex with women, why would you then demonise them as “sluts”? Not only is it sexist, it’s biting the hand that feeds you.

4. “Being a pussy” or “Growing a pair”

Being a pussy is bad, weak and inferior. Balls, on the other hand, are tough and strong–the ultimate symbol of masculinity. But it’s kind of ironic that balls are actually these super fragile and weak body parts that men have to protect and be careful with. A swift hit to the nuts and a bloke is on the floor. On the scale, pussies are way more resilient than balls. Even if you’re not trying to be sexist, it’s easy to see how these words demean women.

Tbh, these examples aren’t even casual sexism, they’re just straight up sexism. Let’s do better.