21 Mar 2018

Losing a friend is bound to happen to you at some point, in one way or another. Maybe the two of you have a massive fight, or maybe you just drift apart. In any case, you need to learn how to deal with the loss.

When me and my best friend started to fall out, I didn’t pay much attention. But then it got hard to ignore the signs. Group chats were formed without me and I stopped getting invited out to the movies or to sleepovers. There would be little remarks about things they did together or jokes that were shared that I wasn’t a part of.

If I’m being honest, it hurt. It hurt going home after school in tears and having no one left to turn to. Teenage drama can seem so trivial but at the time it felt like my world was coming to an end. And maybe it was. Suddenly, I didn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch, or on the bus. When the teacher said ‘find a partner’, I would keep my eyes down and hope no one would notice that I didn’t have anyone.

Figuring out how to cope was hard, but it’s possible.

1. Is it fixable?

The two of you were best friends, it’s silly to let such a strong friendship blow away so easily. Reach out, see if there’s any hope of rekindling your friendship flame. Maybe they miss you as much as you miss them. Maybe not, but what do you have to lose?

2. Don’t talk shit

I’m serious. If this person was really your best friend, you probably know all their hopes, dreams, secrets and fears. Don’t spread it. Don’t gossip about that person they hooked up with at that party that time. Don’t tell everyone about when they peed the bed at camp. Don’t post those embarrassing photos and screenshots you were saving up of them. Even if they don’t keep your secrets, you should keep theirs. You were best friends, after all.

3. Let yourself mourn

This is a breakup you’re going through. Grab some ice cream, huddle up under the blankets and watch a sad, cheesy rom-com. Be nice to yourself. This is a hard thing to deal with and you don’t need to bounce back straight away. Listen to Adele and Sam Smith and let yourself cry. Take some time to hurt and to heal.

4. Move on

Go to your favourite food place by yourself. Sing along to all the parts in your favourite Disney movie by yourself. Yes, you can sing all the parts. Get your own Netflix account. You don’t need to see where they’re up to in Gossip Girl, you can watch it on your own.

5. Make new friends

It might be hard at first. It might be a bit awkward and weird while you figure out who you get along with. It might feel like you’ll never find someone who gets you the way they did or will have the same stupid sense of humour. It’s okay, you’ll figure it out. Share your embarrassing stories and secrets, ask people about their lives and watch your favourite TV shows together. Eventually, you’ll find someone new who will make you laugh until you cry and who will be there for you when you need them.

By Jessie Tate