16 Jun 2021

Losing your high school best friend is never easy but may just be the answer for you to flourish.

As we get older, the number of friends we have shifts and so do the roles they play in our lives. The tone of our friendships really changes when we realise we’re not forced to hang out with them outside of the typical 9am-3pm school hours.

That’s where I believe the past year played a big part in the breakdown and letting go of friendships. We weren’t partying, going out to lunch or meeting up for bants. Even though they’re a phone call away, the face-to-face, tangible connection was lost.

When deciding if you want to keep someone in your life, think about how you feel when you’re around this person:

“Do they bring out the best in me?”

“Are they a good influence?”

“Do they have my best interests at heart?”

“Am I comfortable sharing my secrets with them?”

“Are my friends giving me advice based on what’s best for me, or what’s best for them?”

“Do they value other friends over me?”

“Are they worth my time?”

Growing up and growing apart are two different things. Growing up is more of an awakening, whereas growing apart is more of a sad and uneasy let-go.

 

For example, maybe you just started your dream job and your friends aren’t supportive of it. Not because they don’t think it’s a good move for you but because they’re upset you’re at work all the time. You’re hearing all the guilt trips of “you don’t have time for me” or “you’re always at work” and they’re not praising your hard work for pursuing your dreams. Are they really your friends? Nah, you’re growing up. You’re happy with letting go of those friendships. You’ve made memories within those chapters of your life and now you’re ready to close that book. Either way, losing a friend hurts but these ones aren’t as hard.

As you go through the different stages in your life, your views, interests and opinions change. You move states. You broaden your horizon to other types of people. Your free time is reduced. You naturally cut down our circle of friends. Those collapsed friendships are the hardest. You’re going from hanging out everyday, telling each other your secrets, talking about each other’s first love, kiss, time. You’re planning where you’ll be travelling with them in 5 years, making bets about who gets married first. You’re growing with them and suddenly growing apart. 

But letting a friendship run its course is a necessary part in moving onwards and upwards. They play a lesser significant role in your life and that is okay. Neither you or your friend is to blame; it’s simply just the way life goes.

The beauty of our world is that people will come and go in our lives. Some friendships aren’t meant to be and some of them can’t last forever. With some friends, you’re always going to be their first contact when they need someone to talk to and are going to be there for you whenever you need them. They will understand that and grow with you, whether you’re together or apart.

And the sentiment applies to relationships. Although there are turbulent emotions to unpack, growing up may mean growing apart from the one you love. Crushingly devasating? Absolutely. Need Lorde or The Kid LAROI to soundtrack your realisation? Go for it. But just know regardless, it's the way life goes. And there are lessons to be learnt from every experience - no matter how shitty it's delivered.