Christmas in Australia is a bit of a mixed bag. It can be kinda hard to get into the spirit when it’s 35 degrees outside and you’re sweating more than the ham is. So, to get you through this silly season I’ve put together some of the best and worst parts of an Aussie Christmas.

The Worst Bits

1. The heat

Let’s get the obvious one out of the way first: Aussie Christmases are stinking, boiling, I-don’t-want-to-do-ANYTHING hot.

Everyone sweats.

The food sweats.

Most of the time, it’s so hot that the only thing you’re capable of doing is consuming your body weight in Christmas lunch and flopping into the water (only after at least ten members of your extended family agree that you’ve waited long enough for digestion, of course).

2. The flies

There are flies everywhere. On every piece of food, every utensil, every patch of exposed skin. Even if you double-check that every window and door in the house is shut; the flies will always find a way in.

Always.

And if you’ve decided to eat outside, you deserve the Bravery Medal in my opinion.

3. The Australian paraphernalia

Christmas is almost like Australia Day 2.0. You’d think that Aussies would put up Christmassy decorations…

You know…

Because it’s…

CHRISTMAS?!

But no – the festive season seems to be most people’s excuse to whip out their Aussie-themed décor and drape it over everything and anything they can get a hold of. Tablecloths, napkins, even the paper cups and plates – they all come in the good ol’ green and gold.

4. The winter traditions

Despite Australia being in the Southern Hemisphere, we strangely love to embrace all the wintery customs enjoyed by our cousins in the north.

We buy Christmas sweaters. We eat turkey and ham for Christmas lunch. We buy snowflake and reindeer decorations. We use spray-on snow.

It’s fine, it really is. I’m not mad, I swear.

But come on, Australia!

I mean, why don’t we manufacture spray-on gum leaves or something? Or even spray-on sand? Who’s with me?! All that fake snow just reminds me of how bloody hot it really is, and leaves me a teensy bit jealous of everyone experiencing a white Christmas.

5. And… the summer traditions

Forget what I just said – sometimes it’s the summer traditions that really get to me. Not everyone wants to play beach cricket or chuck a shrimp on the barbie.

Shocking, I know.

Australia has a lot of traditions that everyone seems to feel the need to take up. I can’t even play cricket. Sometimes, I don’t want to watch the Boxing Day test match (cue the gasping of my entire extended family).

The Best Bits

1. The spirit

We Australians know how to throw a good party, and for most people Christmas is just one long fiesta – a foolproof excuse to drink beer, play sport, drink beer, embrace the spirit of giving and… drink beer! It may cause the true meaning of Christmas to get a little lost, but everyone is in a good mood and having a ball, so I say let the good times roll!

2. The weather

We don’t have to worry about getting snowed in, warming up the car, hypothermia, or dying of frostbite (not to be dramatic or anything).

It’s sunny 99% of the time, and the wind and rain seem to chill out over Christmas too. Just keep your fingers crossed that there isn’t a massive summer storm.

3. The food

Aussie Christmas cuisine is great. Seafood is usually on the menu, and our seafood is top-notch. We feast on prawns, bugs, oysters, crayfish, fish and scallops. It’s much lighter than red meat and, in my opinion, much tastier too. Just don’t count on leftovers if your whole fam is coming around for Chrissy lunch.

4. The ‘other’ carols

I love how Australians takes traditional carols and Australianise them… Or just write their own.

My family owns a CD that features three Aussie carols – Six White Boomers (about kangaroos posing as reindeers), Christmas in the Sun, and Pavlova. Which conveniently brings me to my last point:

5. Pavlova

This deserves its own dot point, in my humble opinion. Pavlova is amazing. Okay, so maybe it is just a massive meringue piled high with fruit, but still. It’s amazing. Crunch on the outside, chewy in the middle, deliciously creamy, topped with stone fruit and mangoes…

Sorry, where was I? I lost my train of thought.

Oh yes, pavlova - my idea of heaven! Just make sure ya get to it before your cousins do!

By Rosie Skull