29 Jun 2022

If falling for the wrong person were illegal, I’d be rotting in jail.

I am a master of unrequited love. I’ve been guilty of falling for my best friends’ brother, my friends’ ex, my freaking English teacher…In my defence, he was youngish and looked like Ryan Gosling. I want what I can’t have and seemed to always fall for the people off-limits. 

Agh, star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet, destined to fail, yet the thrill was my fuel. I mean, for real, my English teacher had a wife and kids bro...I just have this little inkling that that was never going to work out. 

So how do you get over something you never had? 

A crush, a lot of the time, is a fantasy. You're in love with the idea of them, not them. The fantasy lingers on every time you see them, so distance is key. I'm not saying beeline the opposite direction if you catch sight of them. But for example, if you're at the same party as them, don't keep trying to be right near them. Go off, have a boogie, talk to everyone else, have some banter with your mates and distance the amount of time you're around them.

I once woke up from a dream where I kissed my best mate and I thought we were destined for each other. Every time I saw him, I'd get butterflies, but I knew that just couldn't be a thing. I distanced myself from him for a while and then realised oh my god NO, that could NEVER happen... Time away can really give you perspective.

In the meantime, distract yourself with your real mates. Let them be a journal and let go of all these pent up thoughts of imagined dates and conversations with your crush. Let them remind you that this certain person is off-limits and help get you over it. Also, take off your rose-coloured glasses. When we have a crush on someone, we put them up on a pedestal, deeming them as perfect. It's easy to love someone when you only see them for an hour every now and then. 

Crushes eventually wear off and new crushes take their place, crushes that can actually become something. Crushes are a fun time, they're a thrill and sure, it can hurt when they don't like you back. It can hurt when you see them exchanging saliva with someone else (ew, what a gross way to put it). It can hurt when you know you can't have them. But again, it's just a crush. In the moment it can feel like the end of the world, but just remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea.