04 Dec 2019

Is your mate really your mate if when they stop talking to you, they start talking about you? 

Is your mate really your mate if they make you feel small, ridiculing, judging and critiquing you in a patronising voice.

Is your mate really your mate if they take advantage of you, walking over you like a doormat and only ever messaging if they need something.

Is your mate really your mate if they can’t be trusted? If they’re constantly bending the truth or sharing your secrets with the world.

Is your mate really your mate if they only talk about themselves, capitalising on every conversation with talk of themselves, never opening their ears to you?

Do you feel good after you hang out with them? Inspired? Encouraged? Happy?

Or do you feel drained, as if they’re an emotional vampire that has left you dry?

Do you feel like you can open up to them or ask them for help? 

Or do you feel like you’re always there for them, but when you need help, they disappear off the face of the earth?

 

Growing up is realising that a lot of your friends aren’t really your friends. It’s a blunt, harsh truth and it’s something we all come to terms with eventually. Friendship shouldn’t be that hard. Friends are your chosen family that you share moments with and talk to about everything and anything. They lift you up when you’re down and drop everything to help you when you need it, because you would do the same for them.

Friendship isn’t a competition, a convenience or a hurdle.

Friendship is a balance of give and take. It’s being there for each other, helping each other and making classic memories together. Friendship is calling a mate when you know they’re down, it’s buying your friend their favourite chocolate bar for no apparent reasons, it’s helping them clean their room... Friendship is talking all night about everything, it’s being proud and happy for each other, it’s tagging each other in endless memes on Facebook.

Disingenuous mates are sometimes hard to spot. We’re blinded by knowing them for so long, or the good times and trust me, there are of course good times. Times that you're both left in stitches of laughter or times you experienced something remarkable together. But if the bad is outweighing the good and if you really have to ask 'is my mate really my mate?', you may have some reevaluating to do.

That's life. People change and people grow apart from finding new things they value and cherish. But this is for certain. Everyone deserves good mates. I deserve good mates. You deserve good mates.