17 Nov 2020

Your parents are the people whose faces glowed when they saw your first abysmal painting in Kindergarten. Who cheered ferociously at your tae kwon do gradings, dance competitions and soccer matches. Who waved to you from the bus stop as you went to high school for the first time... How can you possibly let them down after everything they've done for you?

No one wants to disappoint their parents. But sometimes it can be a real juggling act balancing your desires with theirs. 

One of the first times I really felt the wrath of not anger, not fury, just pure and overwhelming disappointment from my parents, was in Year 12.

My parents went away for the weekend after my year finished trials. As a very professional Vice Captain, I decided it would be the perfect time to have the high school house party I’d always dreamed of and invited my entire year group over to celebrate. 

I spent the entire night frazzled, extremely drunk and running around like a headless chicken thinking someone was going to burn the house down, cause a riot or that my neighbours would snitch and call my parents.

After arriving home and finding vomit on the front lawn, my parents realised I’d thrown a shindig. I was overtaken with guilt after seeing their faces drop. They trusted me and I'd thrown that trust in their face.

The high school movies that I had always idolised skipped the part where the protagonist lays awake in bed, wondering if their parents will ever forgive them. I remember planning out how I'd redeem myself.

Eventually, like all bad feelings do, the guilt dissipated, I learnt my lesson and I now have a fun high school story to tell (I also now realise that my party hadn’t been that big of a deal, but it was my first time crossing my ‘rents in a way I had never done before). 

I didn't throw another party. I did disappoint my parents again though. See, your 'rents want what's best for you. But most of the time, you know what's best for you. I knew that I wasn't vibing with uni but my 'rents told me to stick it out... To their dismay, I dropped out and it was one of the most reliving decisions of my life. They were so gutted, I might as well have thrown up on the front lawn again... (Ok fine, you got me, the vom fro the party was me...)

I guess I've learnt that there will be plenty of times you might feel like you’re letting your parents down- taking home a bad report, failing a class, getting a low ATAR, taking a gap year... In these situations, prepare yourself to feel a little low for a while. Your parents might say things that make you feel worse, you'll doubt yourself and may feel pretty lost.

What’s important to remember is that a mystery mark, choosing to take a gap year or dropping out of uni isn’t going to ruin your entire life and your parents will realise this too.

Regardless of how you think you’ve stuffed up, think about how much of an impact it will actually have in the long run. In a years time is anyone even going to remember this? What about two? Or five? Probably not.

Parents have envisioned the best for you since day one. They want you to be happy and successful and sometimes they have some outdated ideas on how you’ll achieve this.

Remember, all of our crappy feelings are temporary. Your parents will forgive you, you’ll realise that it isn’t the end of the world and you’ll go on to do something that will make your parents bloody proud and forget that you had a heap of your mates in their backyard getting blind without their permission. (And hey, we laugh about this now).

After I dropped out of uni, the best thing I found to zen out those bloody beauty 'rents of mine was to have a Post-School Plan (and it also helped me SO much as well). I gave them a vision of my future that reassured them and proved that this wasn't a spur of the moment decision. Although they weren't too red hot on my plan at first, they finally realised how happy I was and I guess that's all your parents really want... For you to be happy.