05 Dec 2019

You probably have a photo of your kids in your wallet. Oh, sorry, kids? I meant friends, whoops.

Every group needs a mum to be the glue that holds everyone together and alive. You're there to stop everyone from taking seven shots in a row. You're there to hold back your friend's hair whilst they throw up said shots. You're there to give out free therapy, accommodation, transport and bank services out of the kindness of your heart. It's no easy feat, but being a mum is the most rewarding thing in the world, right?

1. You are the first person they go to

When one of your friends is confused, frazzled or lost, you are the first person they call. You hand out therapy sessions like candy and bestow wisdom to your friends at the drop of a hat. You always know what to say and how to say it. You know how to perk each friend up and how to motivate, inspire and encourage them when they need it.

2. You are always in the right place at the right time

You have spidey mum senses, allowing you to pop up before things get a bit whack. Friend about to make out with their ex? Move aside buddy, mum’s here. Mate about to leave the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to their skirt? Stop right there, let me fix this. Friend about to have one too many drinks? Let mum take that from you (and maybe drink it... you're a cool mum right?)

3. You have the Mary Poppins magic bag

Does someone have bad breath? Don’t worry, you’ve got gum. Does someone need a lighter? Well, you don’t smoke but you’ve got one. You’ve got pens, pads, panadol, lip balm, concealer, a water bottle, an iPhone charger, spare opal cards, a hairbrush… How does it all fit in one bag? It's truly magic.

4. If you aren’t booking the uber, you are the uber

It’s a mystery how your mates get from A to B without you. You always have maps up, leading the pack to their destination. You know what buses to catch and when. If you aren't booking the uber after a night out, you probably are the uber. You are the designated driver queen, always up for picking your mates up and dropping them off, maybe fitting a Maccas run in between.

5. You have a bed and breakfast

You have an abundance of spare mattresses, sheets, pillows and toothbrushes for your friends when they stay over and always make them breakfast the next morning. Five stars for you. You are the Monica Geller of the group, always hosting movie marathons, study sessions and dinner parties at your place.

6. You’re also a bank too

Not only do you provide transport and accommodation, you dabble in being a bank from time to time. Actually, you're better than a bank since you don’t charge interest. If your friend needs you to shout them a feed or concert tickets or they just need to be lent some money, you’re there to help out. 

7. Real parents love you

If your mates' parents are hesitant about a trip away, a festival or a night out, if it's mentioned that you're coming, their stresses vanish. You're probably mates with all your friends' parents, sending them texts from time to time and happily having a conversation with them in the morning whilst everyone else is still asleep.