17 Sep 2020

Going to an all girls high school is in some ways like being a part of a giant dysfunction family. Hundreds of girls wearing matching blazers and skirts, the idea of self expression and individuality thrown out the window in favour of maintaining the reputation and prestige of the school.

 

After completing high school in 2018, or rather surviving it, I quickly discovered that I had complete and utter freedom. There was nothing holding me back from finally getting to know myself and exploring the world without the cheery red gates of my old high school holding me back.

Jokes on me though, because my sister was starting year 7 the very next year.

Naturally, I found myself walking through those same cherry red gate, no longer in a pleated skirt and shirt but with bright blue hair and a couple of tattoos to boot. Not exactly the picture perfect student my school would have wanted that’s for sure but hey, I had never felt more like myself.

With every trip I made back to my high school, I found my levels of discomfort growing. It confused me though, this uneasiness I felt. How could I feel so out of place when I spend six years of my life there?

And then the penny finally dropped. I realised that the reason I couldn’t stand being at my high school is because I’ve moved on. I’ve spent the past two year evolving and growing. So, to find myself back at high school is to find myself reminded of a time where I had no idea who I was, a time when I was pretending to be someone I’m not.

I know so many people who take any opportunity to return to their high school, mingle with past teachers and frolic around like special VIP guests. For so long I felt like I was weird for not wanting to be like that, but I’ve realised that it’s okay to want to forget the person you were in high school and it’s okay if the person you were in high school wasn't your authentic self.

In those six years, high school can feel like the be all and end all, but ultimately it is simply a stepping stone, setting us up with the knowledge and wisdom to navigate working, studying and whatever other paths you find yourself walking down.

So, even though I do feel a little bit sick every time I see my old high school, I also feel a sense of pride knowing that in the years following high school, I have been able to transform and grow. I’m extremely grateful for my time in high school and I know I wouldn't be the person I am today without those experiences, but I couldn't think of anything worse than having to wear a high school uniform again.

So for any of you out there feeling the same way, realise that there are worse things than moving on from high school and that it’s actual a sign of growth. You’re not alone in your desire to have a new identity post high school, so don’t let anything stop you from figuring out who you are.

Words by Eleni Thomas

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