20 Oct 2020

Agh, exams. An anxiety-induced, frazzling frenzy of reading a sentence five times and it not sinking in as you try to work out how much time you have left whilst also getting distracted by fidgeters and paper shuffling nuisances... Not a viiiiibeee.

Everyone is copping it in that exam hall of death. Here are ten people you'll have alongside you during your exam.

1. The Fidgeter

Someone get this person a fidget spinner ASAP. Oh wait, they probably weren't allowed to bring it into the exam hall.

You'll find them tapping their pen, shaking their legs, cracking their knuckles and stretching every second. And because the world is cruel, they'll probably be the one with the uneven, dodgy table so they'll be creaking for the entirety of the exam.

You'll repetitively catch them in your peripheral vision as they just can't seem to sit still.

2. The Space Cadet

You'll find their eyes hollow as they gaze into the void... Where are they? Another planet, daydreaming up a storm.

Instead of answering any questions, they will probably be doodling caricatures of the other people in the exam hall. Instead of writing an essay, they'll be writing a feature film abundant in cowboys, The Beatles and greek mythology. Maybe they'll guess some multiple choice answers, but whilst filling in the bubbles, they'll be planning what to do in the events of an alien apocalypse.

3. The Paper Shuffling Nuisance

They just can't seem to manage the art of flipping a page silently. To make matters worse, they're probably second-guessing every answer and constantly flipping back and forth. You'd be able to hear their paper crumpling from a mile away.

4. The Early Finisher

As soon as they're allowed to leave, they'll be handing in their exam sheets and running out of that exam hall.

Maybe they don't know any of the answers. Maybe they would rather be at the beach. Maybe they're just a genius who is faster than anyone else in the room. Honestly, who knows.

5. The Questioner

They just aren't content staying silent. You'll constantly see their arm fly up in the sky as they ask examiners questions regarding the text, how much they can write, if they can have more paper, if they can go to the toilet, how much time is left...

Relax, man.

6. The Enigma

You've hardly seen them in class all year. In fact, you kinda forget they were in your grade. Rumours spread that they moved schools, joined a biker gang or are touring with the circus. Yet here they are on exam day, mysterious as ever and cool, calm and collected even though they've missed every lesson.

Will they smash it? Will they fail? Absolutely no one knows. Will they disappear after the exam? Probably.

7. The Winger

No, I'm not talking about the band or the football position, I'm referring to their innate ability to completely wing the exam. Do they know anything about the Spartans, Pericles or The Persian War? Nope, they were hardly ever listening in class. Will they be able to draw from the small tidbits they did hear and make up some convoluted symbolism, fake some quotes and make up so facts? Absolutely.

You can see it in their eyes as they look up to the ceiling, praying to the almighty Zeus, the only god they can remember learning about, for help, guidance and inspiration.

8. The Genius

You can see them writing with such speed and velocity that they might burn through the table. In fact, you wish you could be able to read their mind so that you could copy the articulate answers that they studied all day and night for.

Oh, there they go, asking for more paper. Man, they will do great things. 

9. The Unprepared Liar

Before the exam, they blabbed on and on about how unprepared they were. How they watched a season of Game Of Thrones the night before, how they've never studied in their life and how they aren't sure whether this exam is for English or Science.

Lo and behold, they'll absolutely smash the exam. Maybe they're legends at BS'ing, maybe they secretly study 24/7, maybe they just have great memories and retain everything they hear in class... Whatever their secret is, they're lucky buggers.

10. The Cheater

You'll see them repetitively going to the toilet. Maybe they've written cheat notes and hid them in the sanitary bin or written facts and statistics on their stomach. 

In the exam hall, their best move is yawning dramatically to look over at their neighbours and steal some answers with their eagle eyes. But trust us, cheating won't get you far kids. Chances are they'll be caught ASAP rocky by the supervisors.

So, with that, I wish you nothing but luck. Enough luck to not be next to the fidgeter and questioner.