Should I Move In With My Mates?

People will tell you all the time that moving in with friends is a bad idea - but is that really true? There’s something so fun about getting together with a couple of mates and dreaming about how cool it would be to get to hang out all the time. Sunday arvo backyard cricket, legendary parties, or maybe putting together the ultimate wine and cheese night - it’s all totally possible. So is living with friends super-fun, or an absolute flop?

What’s good about moving in with mates?

You probably already innately know why you want to move in with mates. If they’re your mates, you have an idea of what their personality is like, what their interests are, maybe even how good they are at doing chores like cooking or cleaning.  You’ll know that at least on some level you’re happy to spend time with them.

Plus, moving in with friends can be a great way to take that friendship to the next level. When you live with someone, you really see them at their full range - when they’re happy, tired, sad, grumpy - and you get to know them in a way that you probably wouldn’t otherwise. Living with mates has brought me some great memories that we can share together for years to come.

What’s bad about moving in with your mates?

The highs are definitely higher, but the lows are way lower. Moving in with friends means you’re putting your friendship to the test, and it’s not always going to work out too well. I know plenty of people who have moved in with their friends, only to move out when the lease is up and never see them ever again. It gets even worse when you’re part of a friend group, and people feel the need to pick a side.

Depending on the kind of friendship you have, you might also be less likely to speak up when something’s bothering you at risk of rocking the boat, because your relationship means too much to you.

Not speaking up about things like chores being left undone or your mate choosing your place for kick-ons without telling you is bound to lead to resentment if you don’t hash it out ASAP.

While it’s less dramatic, you can also just end up getting a little sick of each other. We all have those mates which are awesome to hang out with for a couple of hours, but start getting on your nerves after a while - these are the friends to avoid when you’re planning on sharing a living space together.

What’s the best way to approach living with friends?

There are a few main things you should be able to agree on as flatmates. One thing to consider is if you’re willing to spend heaps of time with them, including if they’re in a foul mood or tired. A great way to test things out is to travel together. Spending time in each other’s pockets like that will put your friendship to the test, but if you manage to emerge from a holiday unscathed, it’s a good sign for your future home together.

Next, have a proper sit-down chat about how the house is going to be run. Everyone has a different idea about what ‘clean and tidy’ is, and while you’ll probably have to compromise here and there, get your pet peeves out in the open before you lock in a place together.

Finally, think about how you guys manage conflict. Just like living with your family, conflict is inevitable, so it’s more about how you manage things going forward. Talk about how you deal with conflict so that you know how to call each other out when they’re acting up without it turning into a fight.

So, should I move in with my mates?

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and I’d say the same thing about friendships. If you’re both cool with calling each other out, know what you’re both getting into and have compatible lifestyles, it could be worth taking the gamble. On the other hand, if the friendship is too precious to risk you can always talk about moving out separately, but in the same area. It’s hard to do, but you can get the best of both worlds!