Dealing With Social Anxiety

Some would describe me as an "introverted extrovert". When I told my boyfriend I was writing this, he asked: "You have social anxiety?!"

Yes, it's hard to believe someone who is as loud as I am struggles with it. To be honest with you, I'm actually a decent public speaker, but a basic understanding of human interaction? I don't know her.  

I often find myself feeling shakey and nauseous before leaving the house. Common activities like grocery shopping and public transport make me profusely sweat. I can't order my own food at a restuarant. I always feel like all eyes are on me and assume people are judging me. 

If you ever see me walking down the street, I have my "don't talk to me" armour on: headphones in, pretending to text and walking as fast as possible. I won't go to events without a plus one and if you leave me alone at a party... well consider our friendship over. I shop online to avoid speaking to cashiers. If I'm meeting mates, I will purposely arrive late so I'm not the first one there. 

I even used to skip the first class of every uni subject so I wouldn't have to do those awkward ice breakers. I can never complain if there's something wrong with my food. I don't answer phone calls without a pre-warning and instead of asking someone to repeat themselves I do that generic "haha, yeah" nod-and-smile combo. And don't even think about singing "Happy Birthday" to me.

And the worst of all... I will go to bed every night and spend days - nay - weeks thinking about every social interaction I've had and overthinking it. 

If you can relate, or if you find yourself googling "how to not be awkward", you might have it too. Social anxiety is actually one of the most common mental disorders. Extrovert or introvert, literally anyone can have it. 

But alas, there's good news. Social anxiety won't magically disappear overnight and you can't just "get over it", but you can learn how to deal with it. I've travelled alone, eaten alone and even gone on blind dates. Here's how:

• Don't rely on liquid courage. I went to this party recently where I knew virtually no one. I felt soooo awkward and drank way too much and made a complete tit of myself (more than I would've if I didn't drink at all). While 27 margaritas can give you a confidence boost, relying on alcohol and other substances won't do you any good in the long run. 
• Instead, start small and be patient. Thanks to 'rona, it's been pretty easy living life with minimal social interactions. And while it's tempting to avoid social situations altogether, it's important to get out there. Ease your way into the social scene at your own pace. Start off by getting a coffee alone or with a small group of mates, say hello to the cashier and make eye contact with a stranger you pass on the footpath. But be patient - it takes time!
• If you feel yourself getting anxious, practice mindfulness. Focus on those senses and pick out five things you see, hear, smell, touch and taste.
• Get help. We all need help from time to time. We at Year13 encourage anyone struggling to speak out about your mental health and seek help if you need it:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Kids Helpline 1800 551 800

MensLine Australia 1300 789 978

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36

Headspace 1800 650 890