16 Apr 2016

There are two different kinds of teachers in this world: those who require document after document of proof that you really did have a bad case of diarrhoea and thus deserve a week’s extension, and those who require a simple email with no real explanation at all. The latter teacher probably couldn’t care why, and the delay probably reduces their initial marking pile anyway.

Once you discover which teacher falls into category number two, you discover the joy of extensions. Gone are the days of elaborate fabricated excuses you once tried to front in high school. Gone is the stress of last minute submissions and sacrificing the best pub-crawl you’ve ever heard of for thousands of mind numbing words. Hello freedom, time and the ability to ‘make your essay even better’ (pro tip: it never is).

But this realisation can be an absolute curse, particularly if you’re a procrastinator. You stare at the due date in your diary and your mind convinces you that it’s actually due a week later. Soon enough that ‘week later’ comes and you’re more stressed than ever. Can you get another week? What was the ACTUAL due date? Do you reckon they’ll notice it’s eight days late, as opposed to the agreed seven?

You’re forced to face the fact that regardless of the extension YOU STILL HAVE TO DO IT. And it’s worse now, because you’ve taught yourself to put it off. You get to the point the morning it’s due and you lie in bed and look up at the ceiling and convince yourself you CAN’T PHYSICALLY DO IT. You are incapable. You start tossing up whether it’s worth it at all. How many marks will you lose? How many will you need in order to pass? Is there any way you can get out of doing it entirely and still pass in flying colours?

My favourite thing to do to force myself to get shit done is to go to the library. I figure if I’m going to put myself through hell getting this paper done, I at least want to watch other people going through hell beside me. Watching you sink your face into your hands and sigh and click your pen makes me so happy because I don’t feel alone anymore. We’re in this together.

If you’re reading this post and you’re procrastinating firstly, bless you, thank you for reading. Secondly, GET OFF THE COMPUTER AND UNPLUG THE MODEM AND DO YOUR DAMN ASSIGNMENT. “The quicker you get it done, the sooner you can relax” (thnx Mum). But actually. Go to the library.