03 Apr 2016

To he who texts, he who refers to me as the girl he’s ‘talking to’ rather than the girl he’s seeing. To he who silently expects exclusivity, or at least wants the illusion that it is so, all while having a few side-chick-texters on the peripherals.

To she who double taps his every Instagram and sends countless winky-face-laden sexual innuendos, but asserts she ‘doesn’t want a relationship’. Spoiler alert: She’ll have a boyfriend next week.

Soon enough the ‘let’s meet up’ conversation arises–usually after 3-5 weeks of ‘what are you up to?’ and ‘nudes? oh sorry! I meant ‘dudes’, classic autocorrect, sorry… um…’. It goes one of two ways: a mutual YES FINALLY, or a refusal masked with ‘I’m just so busy at the moment!’ which really means:

You and I can’t meet up! Why would you suggest such a thing? This is just a texting fling, nothing more. I have a few going at once and you don’t get special privilege. The online world gives me more pleasure than the awkwardness of you sitting across from me in a busy café. Can we still communicate and flirt as well as we can over text? I met you on Tinder for goodness sake, I don’t know if you’re socially capable!

But this conversation must happen eventually. If it doesn’t happen soon enough, you lose your chance. Sometimes the texting goes on for so long that it no longer excites one of you–there is no change, the standard conversation-starter texts seem empty and ultimately pointless. You’re friends now and the texting will fade as soon as one of you finds someone more interesting to talk about yourself to. Guys wait too long, girls are too afraid to ask.

Why do guys wait so long? Why are girls afraid?

Apps like Tinder and even social media platforms like Facebook and Instagram has shown us the true extent of our options, which may allude to our hesitations. What if I find someone better? There are so many cool, attractive people out there! There are so many who project the ultimate life and as soon as they follow back, I feel like I’m in with a chance!

These days it’s completely socially acceptable to meet online. And because it’s socially acceptable, everyone is out there and we’re inundated with options. Let us not forget the weird loner who was on that dating site 6 years ago though, I bet he’s laughing at us all now!

So what point do these texting flings have? Are we even interested romantically in the first place, or is it just a huge ego trip? Maybe we just like talking to all these different people because we have the power to construct a new identity every time, a likeable identity that isn’t tainted by any awkwardness or character flaws that inevitably emerge when you’re face to face. Maybe we like the fact that someone who has the choice to talk to us, chooses to talk to us. We feel a sense of power and worth and maybe that’s all we do it for?

I’ve reached a point now where I’ve lost patience. I don’t like those texting flings that once consumed my phone usage during Honesty Hour at midnight. Instead I initiate meet ups week one and sometimes so prematurely it freaks people out. I am more than the sum of my emoji usage, ironic hashtags and pop culture references. I am the slight side-glance when I’m nervous, the hair twist when I’m bored, the cuddly slouch to the side when I’m comfortable.

Ask your texting fling out. If you’re not interested, quit the ego trip and stop wasting everyone’s time.