Things We Cared About for a Week in 2016
By
Year13
You know, because Waleed Aly mentioned it during a ritualistic, primetime soap boxing. Let’s take a page out of South Park’s book and enjoy some ‘member berries all the way back from this time last year.
The local dairy trade
‘member when we were all concerned about the domestic farming industry, and we all rallied around buying local for maybe a few weeks before topping up our Crispix with not local milk soon after?
Paris attacks
‘member when fresh off Charlie Hedbo and #jesuischarlie, three suicide bombers hit the State de France mid game, several others shooting and bombing a bunch of cafes including the Bataclan theatre, ending in the death of 137, 368 more injured, and you all bravely took it upon yourselves to wear a profile filter on Facebook? I stand with you… in ‘memberance.
Orlando shootings
‘member when a closeted homosexual couldn’t face his own sexuality and chose to commit a mass hate crime ending in the deaths of 50 other gay guys and injuring 53 more, sparking the 300th debate about Islam and terrorism this year when we all knew it was shame and mental illness?
Gay rights because of the Orlando shootings
‘member when you all got up in arms about homophobia and once again, bravely wore another Facebook filter on your profiles where others wore gunshot wounds, the same filters that mysteriously disappeared before the injured victims got their IV drips in? I ‘member.
Pokemon Go
‘member when people who made fun of consistent Pokemon gamers hopped onto the bandwagon, temporarily inflating the Ninentdo stock for a bit before they went back to showing the world how terrible and irresponsible they were on Snapchat?
Kim Kardashian’s robbery
‘member when a human being was bound, gagged, and held at gunpoint, and sure, maybe it did get more attention than necessary, but apparently that meant her celebrity status was an invitation to ridicule, mock, and encourage this treatment, because she can afford it, I guess? Mm, good times. Good ‘member.
#Censusfail
‘member when you were all appalled by the way a system of taking census for the very first time was handled and acted like you could have prevented it if you were in charge?
Black Lives Matter (recurring guest star of 2016)
‘member when they kept shooting at black youths and your racial debates and anger cooled off quicker than a grumpy toddler given cookies, juice, and a nap?
Panama Papers
‘member when it was confirmed that wealth buys invincibility after a massive leak of documents indicated heads of states, actors, and media moguls thought having more money than God just wasn’t enough, so they cheated the system for a buttload more?
Syria, kinda not really (also recurring guest star of 2016)
‘member when we all stood around witnessing the fall of a nation, a fall that actually started a little over five years ago through civil war, multi-national bombings, population displacement, and created roughly a third of a million Syrian casualties that we know of alone?
Our treatment of refugees
‘member when what we knew was unlawful and immoral treatment of the desperate and the hunted continued to happen? That’s funny, you sure act like you don’t ‘member.
But a fcking gorilla from a mediocre joke is what we retain. Bravo.
By Garry Lu
