I Turned 18 And Nothing Really Changed

18 has been my favourite number for as long as I can remember. At 18 I’d be able to drive and legally drink (never at the same time, obviously). For some reason I always imagined that once I turned 18 things would be better. I’d be cooler, my skin would be clearer, I’d be going to parties and almost finished with school. I’d be more confident and have my life together. I’d be an adult, ya know, who could do adult things.

On my 18th birthday I woke up after spending most of the night studying for a psychology test. I got ready for school because in Year 12 it’s kind of hard to justify a day off, even on your birthday. I was dropped off at the gates by my mum (I still hadn’t done enough hours to get my Ps) and took an exam. After school, I caught the bus home and went out to dinner with my family.

There was no waking up and magically feeling in control. I still had a pimple on my chin and assignments that were overdue. I still had no idea what I wanted to do after Year 12 and I most definitely did not have my life together even though I had spent approximately 3,670 days living.

Don’t get me wrong–I’m not writing this to say how crap my 18th was, it just wasn’t what I thought it was going to be.

All the things I thought would mean something to me just because I turned 18, didn’t. Yeah, I could buy my own drinks if I wanted, I could place a bet or buy smokes, but just because I could didn’t mean I suddenly wanted to. I didn’t wake up feeling more confident; I was still as anxious and awkward as ever and I definitely wasn’t any cooler. It’s funny to think that up until my 18th birthday I’d been considered a child and then I suddenly woke up as an ‘adult’. I certainly didn’t feel like an adult.

I realised that this supposedly momentous day wasn’t going to change me in the way I thought. All those years wishing for the day that I turned 18 turned out to be kind of pointless.

We spend a lot of our childhood wishing we were older. Hours and days spent dreaming about growing up and finally being able to do the things we could never do, or be the person we really want to be. Turns out, it doesn’t matter how much you think that turning 16, or 18, or 21 or 30 will change your life. When the clock ticks over to officially mark that you have survived another entire year on this earth, everything isn’t going to suddenly fall into place.

Since my 18th I’ve realised that wishing for the day I feel like an adult is a waste of time. If I want something, it’s up to me to make it happen right now. I never realised how much pressure I’d placed on a number until my 18th birthday rolled around, and nothing really changed. But, even though I still didn’t understand taxes and won’t stop being afraid of spiders, turning 18 did teach me that there’s no point waiting around for the day that everything will fall into place. All you’ve got is right now, so make the most of it.

by Gemma Smart