23 Mar 2020 | 3 mins

Never in my existence did I think I'd be writing an article titled '10 Types Of People You See During A Pandemic.' This is truly surreal.

Yet here we are, living through something that'll be taught during history classes in the year 2124.

Now, in light of the absolute chaos that has struck the globe, I've come to realise there are so many different types of human behaviours in dealing with this disease. This is by no way laughing about the deadly disease, but rather poking fun about the types of people I've come across since this all began...

Like, for real, corona has shown the true natures of some people. 

 

1. The one who has been living under a rock

I mean, even Patrick Star would have heard about coronavirus by now. 

And yet, some people are so oblivious, wondering why people are wearing masks, why Centrelink has such a gnarly line or why everything has shut. I kid you not, I heard a lady ask a supermarket employee: "why is there no toilet paper left?" My mouth dropped.

2. The one in denial

Whilst coronavirus has spread through the globe, their denial tactics have sharpened with every piece of news they hear. You'll hear phrases like: "oh come on, this will all be over in a week," or "yeah right, this is all just a conspiracy."

Chances are they're the one coughing all over the place too. Keep in mind that these are the type of people that get a zombie bite and hide it. 

3. The one who is suddenly a hoarder

They'll shove you aside and threaten to tear off your arm if you get in the way of the toilet paper aisle. 

The panic has made their brain focus on one thing. Groceries. And no, not Mallrat's Groceries. They've cleared out all the pasta and rice and have left a measly can of black beans for the rest of us.

4. The opportunist

They've had to defer from business school and have lost their job. That hasn't stopped them from hustling. 

They've probably worked out how to create a homemade hand sanitiser or they've crafted some face masks, selling these for the price of Jesus' tears. 

5. The one who is a hypochondriac

During a zoom uni lesson, a guy coughed and a girl freaked out so hard that she slammed her laptop shut. She then returned, realising that corona couldn't be transferred online...

This is also the same girl that has been to the doctor 6 times now, completely convinced each time that she's caught the virus- "but I felt dizzy getting out of bed this morning!" 

6.  The one who has basically won the lottery

At least someone is stoked about all this. Social isolation is music to their ears!

Extreme introverts everywhere rejoice in the fact that for a few months, there'll be no more forced into social situations, no more small talk, no more customers, no more parties they feel obliged to go to.

Finally, they can just sit inside and hibernate without judgement. What bliss!

7. The one who remains positive

The cup is still half full. 

They've lost their job, can't pay rent and are in constant fear from getting a deadly virus, but they won't let their smile leave their dial.

8. The one who is either uninformed or just an idiot

The classic tropes of "I'm young! I won't get the virus," or "self-isolation is only if you're sick."

They'll still be sunbathing on the beach, organising parties and asking a handful of mates to come round for a bevvy even with these new restrictions... ignorance is bliss, right? Hmm.

9. The one who finds solace from sharing corona memes

The world is crumbling. No parties, no sport, no beach days, no cinemas, no restaurants... yet, for these people, happiness has been found by spamming our Facebook feeds or Insta dms with COVID-19 memes.

Whatever gets you out of bed, buddy.

10. The one who is ready to just get wasted

Whilst everyone was scurrying to the toilet paper aisle, they went straight to the closest bottle shop. They intend to get drunk on a daily basis to escape the harsh reality. Can't blame ya, champ.

Wherever you fit on the list, please remember these three things- wash your hands, stay inside and stay safe!