07 Apr 2019

Leaving high school was like following a map through the bush to civilisation only to look up and see that the trail has disappeared and you're surrounded by a dense thicket of trees. Gone are the neat progression of years to tick off, Year 7 through to Year 12. You say goodbye to the smaller, more controlled decisions (like what Year 9 electives should I take? What Year 11 subjects should I pick?) and instead you are so overwhelmed that you can actually do absolutely anything you want. And this can be scary. Really, really terrifying. 

Coming from a regional area in Northern NSW, there was even less of a clear path for me. As I completed my final exams, I kept putting off any decisions, waiting for a divine strike of pure, crystallised knowledge that would tell me exactly where I should go and what I should study. As November, then December and then January rolled around I still had no plan. My ATAR was high enough to get an offer for any of the courses I was interested in and I felt, in some way, a pressure to ‘not waste’ my results.

So, in a flurry of panic at the fast approaching university semester I picked a city and a share-house, chose a university and decided on a course that so many high achievers with a vague interest in humanities take, Arts/Law, despite not really having much interest in law aside from some vague notions of fighting social inequality and climate change. 

As I plodded through my degree, the doubts that I'd felt at the end of high school began to creep back up and I felt paralysed. I didn’t know if I was on the right path and this stress, along with other issues, caused my mental health to deteriorate. It wasn't until I spoke to a tonne of people–my parents, friends, my boyfriend, a psychologist, career advisors–that I realised that there is, for most people, no ‘right’ path. There are a multitude of different paths twisting and turning to places we can never know about unless we give them a go. Each moment in our life represents a prong, and we can only make the best decisions for ourselves with the information we have at the time.

As I slowly came to see this, I realised that if I didn't know how I wanted to shape the course of my life, it's okay to take a breather; to pause and gain some perspective. When we’re in our teens, we’ve only dipped our toes into the adult world, so how can we be expected to understand it and launch ourselves into a career? We can only do our best, and if we make a handful of mistakes along the way, that's not something to be ashamed of.

Personally? I decided to take a break from my law degree and focus on doing the subjects I love (despite being told they will never get me a job) and travelling overseas.

I know that law, and university in general, isn’t going to sneak away while my back is turned. Maybe I will become a boss-bitch climate-change fighting lawyer or maybe I’ll change degrees altogether. Who knows.

There's no shame in uncertainty and allowing that uncertainty to paralyse you doesn’t, as I’ve learnt, bring the much-longed-for clarity that you're hoping for. So just do what you enjoy and figure it out along the way.

by Emily McEwan