Wack Things I've Done For A Crush

One thing you should know about me is I do things for the plot. Truthfully, sometimes the plot just finds me too. 

Now when it comes to a crush, I take this philosophy to the nth degree... so much so that I become quite unhinged... 

Gotten seven stitches 🏥

Strap in, this story's a real home dinger... A few years back, I had a crush on a bloke I worked with. Coincidentally, he was at the same new years bush party as moi. Destiny??!??!... 🫠

Right before the countdown, my mate told me that he was looking for me. I thought, was he wanting me to be his NYE kiss or something? Like a bat out of hell, I bolted into the shed where everyone was. Unfortunately, I ran into a fence, got whiplash, and fell on my ass. Ouch. But I couldn't miss the countdown so I kept sprinting... Where was he???

Ah. He was kissing another girl who he'd been secretly dating. *Face palm*. Oh and he was the one to point out that I had blood everywhere. Yeah... the fence had been barbed wire. Seven stitches on new years day. Oh, and he'd only been looking for me because he wanted to try one of my beers. Burn.

Almost fell to my death 😵‍💫 

It was at a work Christmas party on a boat in Sydney Harbour. The new guy (aka my new crush) and I were playing odds on. "Out of ten, odds on you climb up that gnarly ladder and jump from the top".

It was a janky ladder that you had to keep climbing around because it was cut off for the public. Then it was a 10m drop into the water. We both said seven and I started climbing.

As my hands swear and my body shook with fear, everyone from work was screaming for me to come down. So I started to. But then I thought yeah nah, do it for the plot. I got to the top, jumped, and everyone cheered with relief that I wasn't dead. 

My crush then told me "I tried to get my girlfriend to do that the other week"... I didn't know he had a girlfriend until then. Oh and, I had gnarly bruises all over my arms from my dodgy landing for days. Huzzah.

Gotten him a job at my job 💼

He was looking for a certain role that my workplace was offering. I put in a good word for him and boom. He got the job. Suddenly we were seeing each other every day and it was great... other than the fact that I'd told everyone in the office extensive goss on how the crush was progressing, so they all knew everything about him before he even started.

Every time we'd talk and he'd walk away, someone would bully me about it. I was red in the face 24/7. After spending so much time with him at work, I then got the ick. Go figure.

Love spell 🪄💕

Ok. This one is really giving 'unhinged' but hear me out. A few years back, my best mate was parking her car before school until a wanker in our year hit it. We tried to confront him but he denied it and because he was popular and cool, no one listened to us. So we jokingly did a revenge spell we found online.

I swear on my life, the next day, someone had ice-creamed his car. Then the next week, his car was covered in glad wrap... We were witches!??!?!?!! In reality, he'd hit another guy's car at school so they were getting revenge, but still, we felt powerful. 

So we thought we'd take it a step further and try to manifest the boys we were crushing on. It did not work. In fact, my crush moved cities and my mate realised she was a lesbian. Lmao.

Become his dog walker 🐕

This is what inspired this article as I'm living through it as we speak. I've just moved to a new city and have seen these funky fellas around my street. I started crushing on one of them who I always see around with his three-legged doggo. In a convo, he said he hated leaving her alone every day and ding, lightbulb moment - I said I work from home every day and since we live a few doors down, I could take her for walks.

Yes, it's true. I miss my dog at home and would love the extra dog energy too. But it's also true that I'm shamelessly using his dog as a bridge between us so we have more to talk about and more opportunities to see each other. 

Maybe this could be the wack story that actually pans out. Fingers crossed!