What To Do If You Find Yourself In The ‘Friend Zone’

No doubt, at least once, you’ve Googled how to get your friend to like you or how to get out of the ‘friend zone’. This search will deliver you a range of advice including playing it cool, dropping hints, making them jealous and spending less time with them.

First up, before we figure out how you’re going to get out of it, a little explainer on the ‘friend zone’.

The friend zone -a.k.a. the platonic purgatory that guys are supposedly banished to by their female friends they want to f*ck- doesn’t exist. This term assumes that a guy has gone out of his way to be nice to a girl, who has completely (and wrongly) rejected his feelings. Sometimes, the guy (because, let’s be real, it’s straight guys who claim they’re in the friend zone) will get angry- how dare she lead him on by being a nice friend in return.

The truth is, a girl doesn’t owe him a romantic relationship just because he was a nice guy. And, if a girl isn’t interested in having a relationship or sex with a guy, there’s nothing you can do to force it. Accept that just because you like someone and are nice to them, doesn’t mean they’ll like you back or that you will receive a reward for being a decent human being. Feelings will not always be reciprocated, and no one is obligated to give you something in return for showing them attention.

I get it, rejection is rough. It hurts and you feel like an idiot, but labelling yourself friend zoned and playing the victim isn’t how to deal with the situation.

1. Accept it

Understand that no one owes you physical or emotional affection just because you like them. No one is obligated to give you love, attention or sex just because you have romantic feelings for them. If you’re confused about this, go ahead and read the intro again.

2. Don’t expect feelings to develop

Don’t continue to be a friends with the misguided hope that eventually, the other person will realise what an idiot they have been and want to be with you. Value your friendship for what it is: an entirely platonic relationship that won’t end in you two hooking up. Weirdly enough, it’s totally possible to hang out with someone and enjoy their company without an agenda to get in their pants. Don’t try and make a move, don’t go in for a kiss because you think you feel vibes and don’t bitterly wait for the day that she will finally admit her love for you.

3. Don’t talk shit

Don’t talk shit to your mates about how you’re such a nice guy and she’s such a bitch for putting you in the friend zone. Handle rejection like a normal person and don’t put the blame on the girl while playing the victim.

4. Don’t base friendships on the expectation that you will have sex

Friendships are pretty damn cool and by definition they are completely platonic. Listen to your friends, offer advice, be a good pal and do it all without expecting to get anything other than friendship in return.