21 Oct 2020

In the past couple of months, a lot of my mates in long-term relationships have called it quits. Most were amicable, some were down right brutal. There were a lot of late-night conversations and consoling, but the underlying cause of the break-ups were the fact that they’ve either fallen out of love or reached a point in their lives that it doesn’t make sense for them to be together anymore.

Simply, they had been in a relationship for too long. And it got me thinking- what do you do in such a situation?

 

Do you break up with one another?

Breaking up with people isn’t fun- even if the relationship is well past its expiration date. Naturally, we have an instilled fear of breaking up. We toss and turn saying that we’re not going to find someone else and we’ll end up dying alone with our cats. And so, we think it’s safer to stay in the relationship than to chance not having a relationship again. It’s the idea that something is better than nothing.

But there comes a time where the only thing you have in common with another is each other. When you realise you’re worlds apart from your partner and you’re quite miserable because of it, you’re better off not being in a relationship at all. You’ve outgrown them and that’s okay. But it’s time to make a decision that will be better for you.

Some signs include lack of physical intimacy, lack of emotional support, fighting way too often and feeling annoyed every time you see a notification from your partner.

Breaking up with someone is easier said than done. But if you do decide that this is the right choice, make sure you have a great support network, take time for yourself, don’t underestimate your gut feeling and don’t drag it out once you’ve made a decision. Sit them down, face-to-face and make sure the timing is right. Don’t do it over text.

You’ll find this is definitely the healthiest option for you if you’re having doubts about your relationship.

Do you stay with them and ride it out?

Sometimes you may feel like this person is the one. But it’s important to decipher whether or not you want to be with them, otherwise you’ll be in a rut and you’ll manifest some thoughts that aren’t pretty. But sometimes, that is what it may just be- a rut. This may be a time in your relationship that is just a period of turbulent difficulty. It won’t be hard forever.

If you’re simply bored and you prefer the memories you share rather than where your relationship is at right now, the key is to communicate your feelings to your partner. Like an old saying, closed mouths don’t get fed and in this instance, things won’t magically get better unless something is done. And hopefully progress will be made, but if not then it’s probably for the best that you break up. You shouldn’t settle for someone that makes you miserable.

Some key things to remember is that you (as an individual) have your own life, you and your partner are able to compromise, and you enjoy each other’s company and silence in situations.

Although relationships aren't always rainbows and sunshine like we would like them to be, there are many wonderful features to them that make them worth fighting for.

But, we’re young and at a point in our life where we’re able to experiment, try new things and find out what we like (if you catch my drift). So, whatever your decision- it’s yours to make. For better or for worse, there is always a lesson to be learned.