21 Jun 2018

Ah, family. They’re annoying, eat all your snacks and yell at you for no reason. You gotta love ‘em.

They’re overbearing, embarrassing, and some of their decisions make you roll your eyes. Especially as you get older and have to start making some big decisions, it can be tough getting along with them when you have different ideas about what you want to do with your life.

Naturally, when these big decisions come about (like picking a uni, graduating high school, starting an apprenticeship), every aunty, uncle, parent, sibling, and Suzy up the road wants to give you their two cents on ‘what’s best for you.’ But everybody’s two cents in the piggy bank can add up to a whole lot of pressure, especially when you’re the first in the family.

Whether it’s going to uni, getting a job straight outta school or going for an internship, being number one in the list of family members to do something can be really scary. Like that feeling of standing on the edge of a crumbly cliff face when you can’t see the bottom, but everyone you’re related to is trying to push you towards the edge. Or that they’re all holding your arms and legs and pulling in different directions, because they all have different ideas for what’s best for you and that their idea is The Plan™.

‘You’ve got to set a good example for your younger siblings or cousins…’ they say.

‘Make Nan and Pop proud…’ they tell you.

They put pressure on you and you might even put pressure on yourself because you don’t want to let them down or they’re paying for your course, or they worked really hard to get you through high school.

Because you’re the first in the family, you have to graduate, go to the best uni and keep perfect grades. Because you’re the first in the family, you need to land a job with a company straight off the bat and start earning heaps of money. Because you’re the first in the family, you need to win a Nobel Peace Prize by the ripe old age of 21.

Your family just want you to be successful and happy. But sometimes, the line between what they think will make you happy and what actually makes you happy can get a lil blurred for them.

They’re not just doing it for bragging rights. They usually genuinely think they’re trying to help you, even when it feels like the exact opposite.

The thing is, having so many voices telling you where to go and what to do, can get really overwhelming. And if you make the wrong call they might get angry or upset, and you’ll feel like you’ve let them all down.

At the end of the day though, you’re your own person and that’s the most important thing to remember. It’s okay to listen to other people, but don’t let their voices drown out your own.

Take on their advice, but don’t let them pick your pathway for you. You have to make your own decisions, even if you’re scared of making the wrong ones. It doesn’t mean you love them any less- it just means you’re doing that inevitable thing called ‘growing up’.

And chances are, at some point, you’re going to make a decision you regret and have to cop the ‘I told you so’, but at least you made the call yourself. Maybe your parents choice would have worked out better (or maybe not) but are they going to pick everything in your life for you, forever? Being the first in the family doesn’t immediately take away your right to make your own choices (even if your family doesn’t like the decision you make).

And whether you’re the first in the fam or the last, you’ll show ‘em that they should be proud of you, no matter what.

by Kaitlyn Hudson-O'Farrell