This is an article for the little guys. The people who have time and time again, been tagged in memes and have been shamed into thinking that, because they have no idea how to drive, it makes them someone to be scoffed at.
It’s time for this to stopped. It’s time we recognised the benefits of still being on your Ls.
While some may think they are all high and mighty for having a licence that lets them legally drive, I’ll tell you what I have–legs! Legs that are strong, nimble and completely willing and able to take me from point A to B.
By being forced to walk everywhere, my greatest feature is my calf muscles and I have an incredible sense of direction and spatial awareness. I also know the exact time to look at my phone so I don’t have to make awkward eye contact with someone walking by me.
I also have amazing friends who take the time out of their day to be my personal Uber, free of charge! They are going to be extremely happy with how I’ve referred to them in this article!
You also never have to be the deso driver, meaning the night is yours every goddam day of the week. You can drink as much as you like or eat an entire tiramisu. The world is your oyster.
You’re never forced to drive to the supermarket to get the broccoli or milk that your mum forgot about, or pick up your turd of a little brother after school. It literally makes certain chores illegal and your parents can’t argue with the law.
I never have to pay for my own petrol, for car rego, for tolls, for new tyres or smashed windscreens. I never have to pay to get my car cleaned or serviced. I get to spend all my money on new clothes and my travel card.
This discrimination against non-driving-people has to stop. It’s time to liberate the backseat bandits–after all, we’re the ones in control of the playlist and navigation; basically the whole driving experience relies on us (except for the, ya know, actual driving).
So, stop tagging us in memes. Stop laughing in your Suzuki Swifts as we walk to school. But most importantly, I’ve got a question for you; can I have a lift?