21 Nov 2019

“Boys will be boys” – the ultimate ‘get-out-of-jail-free’ card.

The ultimate ‘I know his behaviour is unacceptable, but I’m not going to do anything about it’ excuse.

A very over-used phrase, because even saying it once is one time too often.

What action warrants the use of “boys will be boys”?

If we’re talking about children, is it immaturity? Naivety? Ignorance? Having an attention span that makes goldfish look like they’re on Adderall? If so, then which of these traits is limited strictly to boys?

Young girls can be all these things too.                                         

Or, is the tendency to enjoy violence and rough sports that we tend to think of as being a ‘male’ quality? Is it this belief that guys tend to be more inclined to be a bit more aggressive than their female counterparts which leads us to say ‘boys will be boys’?

Probably.

But have you ever stopped to think about what effect that saying has on guys?

Even if males are biologically predisposed to be more violent, can that ever be used to excuse someone from physically and emotionally hurting somebody else?

If a kid hears the phrase ‘boys will be boys’, they’re gonna think that it’s perfectly acceptable – even expected – for aggression to be a part of their personality. This saying essentially liberates young males from being held accountable for their actions. So if that's the case, how are they ever meant to grow, improve and do better? 

Speaking of other over-used phrases, have you ever heard of “monkey see, monkey do?”

If you were wondering where boys learn to be ‘boys’, then there’s your answer. Their parents, their brothers, their friends, their teachers, everyone in their neighbourhood; virtually everyone reinforces this idea that the rough, competitive, aggressive gender is that of the males.

But this behaviour isn’t something that boys are born with. That’s a load of bull. Being inclined to violence is something that they learn.

And boys learn from men.

Boys see men smashing beers and screaming at the footy. They hear men talking about chicks as if they’re objects, and they see men get in fistfights. Boys learn misogyny, and they learn to never talk about their emotions and keep things to themselves.

So maybe we shouldn’t be trying to change a boy’s behaviour, because he’s just a monkey doing what a monkey sees. Maybe it’s the men who should be quitting the toxic behaviour and setting a good example for their little monkey-boys to see and do.

If you want the next generation to grow up right, go the right way about being a man. Talk about your feelings. Stand up for women. Solve an argument with your words. Be a real man.

Being an asshole has nothing to do with whether you’re a boy or a girl. But if the phrase ‘boys will be boys’ keeps getting thrown around, then there’s gonna be far more male assholes out there than female.