You’ve been tuning that special someone for a couple months, you’re hitting it off and you’ve started envisioning beach getaways, couple grams, and introducing them to your dog. Then suddenly they’re hooking up with your mate and you’re no longer best friends on snapchat.
The worst part is – you have no justification for calling them out, because you weren’t in a relationship in the first place. They had no obligation to be faithful or follow through with their promises, you basically have to cop all that betrayal and rejection and just pretend you’re fine with it. But you’re not – it's crap.
Although defined in the holy bible (a.k.a. urban dictionary) as - ‘the period before dating’ tuning isn’t that straight forward anymore (thanks to social media). That definition is probably from the 1950s when you’d hang out at the milk-bar once when you’re 15, and suddenly you’re married with six kids.
Tuning’s a bit like watching Game of Thrones (for you fans out there); it started off great, you’re expectations for the final season have only grown over the two years you’ve waited for its release. And then it's absolute crap. There’s literally a Starbucks coffee cup they forgot to edit out and you need night-vision goggles to watch the ‘Battle of Winterfell’.
Anyway, that post-tuning feeling of rejection is crap, it’s a massive trigger that can damage anyone’s self-worth and general well-being.
You get the breakup, without even having the relationship.
So here are some tips on how to avoid that post-tuning trauma.
1. Take control
Being upfront is the best way to avoid attaching yourself to the wrong person. Avoid the anxiety of the unknown and straight up ask your tune “hey, I was wondering where you saw this heading?” or “Are we exclusive?” If they can’t answer these questions then it’s a pretty good sign they either aren’t where you’re at yet or don’t intend to be...
Being vulnerable with someone is scary, the fear of rejection kicks in - but taking control of the situation through establishing where things are at will save you a world of heartbreak and anxiety. It’s far better to know and understand their intentions than to find out. Plus, practicing now will make it way easier later on in life.
2. Be realistic
It’s so easy to get caught up in the idea of getting ‘serious’ and being ‘exclusive’ with your tune, especially if you’re intimate. But it’s so important at our age to be realistic. I mean we’re entering the realm of sexual maturity, most people are looking for a bit of experimentation and often this is as far as tuning will go. Getting it on with someone can be a major decision based on trust and connection, so when that special someone looks the other way it’s a serious stab in the back.
Going into a situation like that you have to be honest with yourself. When you’re with someone you really like you’ll be excited, but try to reframe and remember to not set your expectations too high - be realistic about where things may or may not go.
3. Take your time
It takes time to get to know someone. That mutual friend you had in Year 7 will probably be one of your best mates by Year 12. Take it slow, get to know them, if they stick around and respect your pace they’re probably in it for the right reasons.
4. Don’t take things too seriously
You’re going to have so many partners, flings and tunes in your life. So what if one didn’t work out!
Being at Uni and especially high school makes the pool of options seem a little narrow at times, but there’s a lot of fish out there, don’t be afraid to take chances you never know who you’ll meet.
It’s those tunes that don’t quite work out, that are great practice for future relationships.