Why You Don’t Have To Agree With Your Parents

It's always super challenging when how you feel appears different to how others feel - like not liking your parents/parent when all your mates get on with theirs, or when your partner absolutely loves their 'rents.

But I'm here to tell you it's ok when that happens, and more common than you think. Let's suss out how to deal. 😬

Acceptance is key 🥰

When it comes to discomfort - whether that's in a thought or a feeling - acceptance is a great way of minimising its effects.

I used to fight against my unwanted thoughts and feelings a lot - thinking "I really don't like that thought, I'm going to try and push it down" or "I hate feeling sad - so I'm going to try and pretend I'm not feeling it".

That applies to negative thoughts or feelings associated with your parents too - rather than feeling guilt or fighting against how you feel, accept it and lean into it. It is what it is, and that's entirely ok.

 Focus on their positive qualities 🤩

Though it's easier said than done, when it comes to you disagreeing with your parents - whether it's a personality thing or issues in the past - it's sometimes helpful to think of them as human. Humans aren't perfect, they make mistakes and our parents are no different. They're just people, like us. 

When I used to argue with my Mum or be frustrated with my Dad, I would think of them as superheroes not meant to get things wrong. But that couldn't be further from the truth - so now I try to remember that even though they're not perfect, they try their best and have positive as well as negative qualities.

Like making me laugh, buying me silly Harry Potter socks for chrissy and having my back. 

Think about things from their perspective ✨

Sometimes a healthy dose of understanding can change your perspective. It could be a case of a misunderstanding, a touchy subject or even just that your parents really don't get your way of thinking. All of the above can be super frustrating, but the good news is empathy goes a long way.

Put yourself in their shoes and try and see things from where they're standing - it might surprise you.

Surround yourself with support ❤️

When you feel a sense of disconnect with your parents - and that can be for multiple reasons - it's important to chat it through with someone you trust and get support. Your friends can be a massive help in making you feel cared about and listened to. 

If there's no going back with how you feel, creating your own unique, cute family unit is a great way to feel that sense of belonging and those family connections without relying on your parents -  whether that's through siblings, aunties, uncles, cousins or having kids of your own.

If you're not keen to have your own family you can absolutely create a family with your friends too - in the end - you choose your family.

Be your own parent 👩‍👧 

If, like many of us, you've experienced a rough patch with either one of your parents, it can be really unsettling. We rely on them so much - so when you feel like you don't really want to be around them anymore, it can be a confronting experience! 

But you're not alone, and lots of young adults are navigating having a less than perfect relationship with their parents.

As hard as it feels right now, if you want it to change in the future with help from a professional or other family members, your relationship could improve - on your terms.

 Of course, if it's in your best interests to bow out of the relationship, then go for it. Parent yourself by self-soothing and remembering to look after yourself - whether that's calling a mate, going for a coffee with a sibling or taking a long bath - you got this.