31 Aug 2022 | 3 mins
Overview
  • Do you remember that scene from Twilight’s “New Moon” where Bella stares out the window despondently as months pass and the seasons change around her?
  • That’s what having depression feels like.

The scene in Twilight echoed my own familiar feelings as a teenager. It was refreshing to see an accurate representation of what I was suffering in mainstream media.

Suffering through depression in high school was probably the most tormented I’ve been in my entire life.

I went from a once high achieving perfectionist to waking up everyday still unable to keep up with what was expected of me.

Between an emotionally draining home life and my constant anxiety while I was at school - I had no safe haven to just BE. As the years passed, things got progressively worse.

Basic tasks started to become difficult - responding to messages, taking showers.

My friendships were strained because I never showed up to class. Every day the self loathing increased as I hurt the people I cared for by becoming unreliable and distant.

The pivotal moment in my recovery was when my older brother reached out to the school to get me help. Getting referred to Headspace and finally finding someone I clicked with and could confide in was the first step.

My senior year was a nightmare I still relive occasionally. Until I wake up and remember I’m 22 now and at the time did the best that I could, and that is actually enough.

I want you to know that if you’re struggling that you are going to make it out that you will and can do it. It just may not be the path that you thought you’d take. 

Studying at a school for gifted acamedics meant that everywhere I looked I saw traditional futures.

My classmates were accepted into prestigious universities and were going to become doctors, lawyers, engineers.

I couldn’t imagine suffering through another 4 years of studying when I had already struggled so much - especially when I had no idea what I even wanted to do.

 

I just needed time to figure myself out, so I took a gap year to work and save up.

I work to manage my illness every day, and the habits that I once believed would be completely unhelpful - meditating, journaling, and mindfulness - are now something I practice daily.

I have friends who I can text or call at 2 a.m. if I start spiralling that genuinely care for me and understand what I’m going through, and I can have open conversations with my mum about how I’m actually doing.

Some days I still struggle more than others - relapsing into bouts of depressive phases that are only made worse by endlessly scrolling through socials - but for the most part, I’m okay.

I want you to know that you’re going to be okay too. Depression can make you feel isolated - but you don’t have to be.

Talk to your loved ones, and if you can’t find support there, external sources like a psychologist (ask your GP for a mental health care plan), or even the internet (Reddit, Headspace) can ease the loneliness.

By Nevada Gill

 

Here at Year13 we encourage anyone struggling to speak out and seek help if you need it:

Lifeline | 13 11 14
Kids Helpline | 1800 551 800
Beyond Blue | 1300 22 46 36
Headspace | 1800 650 890