Dating Someone With Mental Illness

It can be hard seeing someone you love struggle with their mental health. Especially if you can’t relate but are wanting to help them through challenging times, sometimes you may not always know the best way to do so and that creates a disconnection in your relationship. Other times, you might not even recognise that they’re battling mental health problems or they’re hesitant to disclose what they’re going through because of the negative stigma surrounding mental illness.

It can affect anyone; mental illness doesn’t just fit into one box or is subject to one group of people.

If you have noticed a change in their behaviour or they’ve opened up to you about their struggles, here are some do's and don’ts that you may find helpful:

The don’ts:

Don’t blame yourself

As you’re a massive part in their lives, it can be hard not to feel responsible for their change in behaviour. No matter what they’re going through, unless they’ve specified that they’re not feeling supported, you are not a part of the problem. When they’re expressing emotions, don’t repeatedly ask them, “Is this my fault?” - they might think that you care about their feelings towards you instead of really caring for them and making sure they’re okay. Don’t just assume that it’s your fault either.

Don’t try to fix them

People struggling with mental illness aren’t broken, they are suffering from a health problem that affects their feelings, thoughts, behaviours and sometimes how they interact with people. Jumping in and trying to “fix” them should not be your mindset and is not your responsibility at all. That will come from within them and when they’re ready. Support over solutions.

Don’t ignore your needs

Being with someone that suffers from mental illness, you may inevitably prioritise their needs and symptoms without focusing on your own. Just like any relationship, it is a two-way street so do not lose yourself along the way. As long as you’re able to practice self-care, establish your wants and needs with your partner and give each other the support and love you both need, your relationship will be a whole lot stronger!

The do’s:

Educate yourself

There is a big difference between the different types of mental health illnesses and disorders that involve different triggers and symptoms. The more you know about what they’re experiencing, the better understanding you’ll have of how to help them when they need you most.

Ask them questions about it

While educating yourself, internet searches and forums can only get you so far, especially when people respond to mental illness differently. Your partner will be able to fill the gaps that you’re missing but just remember that opening up does put people in a vulnerable position, so try not to push them if they’re not comfortable with answering some questions.

Be patient

On a personal level, it can be so hard for your partner to accept their mental illness, let alone telling you or trusted friends about what they’re going through. If your partner is struggling to open up, be patient - as long as they know you’re backing them and will be there for them no matter what, they’ll feel comfortable to tell you what they’re struggling with, when they’re ready.

Your other half may have always struggled with their mental health. Maybe problems are slowly rising to the surface or you’re noticing the signs. Either way, mental illness doesn’t mean an end to the relationship or an inevitable change in dynamic. Don’t get me wrong - some times might be harder than others but don’t let mental illness intimidate or scare you away. As long as you are patient, understanding and supportive of one another, your relationship will thrive 🤍

Here at Year13 we encourage anyone struggling to speak out and seek help if you need it:

Lifeline | 13 11 14
Kids Helpline | 1800 551 800
Beyond Blue | 1300 22 46 36
Headspace | 1800 650 890