High school is coming to a close for some of us. While you could look into the future and think about how adulthood is going to ruin your life, let’s instead bring ourselves back to a simpler time and look back at all the things your old, study-tarnished brain has forgotten about primary school.
1. No Hat, No Play
If you wanted to play handball, you’d better get your hat on otherwise there was no way you were making it to the king’s square. And if you disobeyed the teacher or even thought about running on the asphalt, you were going to have a great time on the silver seats.
2. Lunch orders
If you were class captain for the week, it was your job to grab the shopping basket and pick up all of the microwaved goodness from the canteen. Chicken goujons were the shit and I’m not listening to anyone who says otherwise.
3. Primary school relationships
First you’d ask your friend to ask out your crush, and then they’d get their friend to say yes, and then the entire year would surround you when you had your first hug. This is true romance people!
4. PSSA sport
If you were in a PSSA team, you were automatically alpha. You guys got to jump on your buses for the ‘serious’ sports whilst the plebs like me stayed and played bull rush with the teacher that wasn’t cool enough to run a team. Hold your PSSA title with pride because chances are that was your peak.
5. Singing songs at assembly
I know that you can absolutely belt out your old school song or sport house chant with the conviction of a pro. Singing your school song at assembly was the same as singing Bohemian Rhapsody at a house party, don’t fuck it up otherwise you’ll disrespect your family and friends for life.
6. Healthy Harold
This absolutely real and not even a little bit fake giraffe was so goddam cool. He was able to spit out facts about health and fruit whilst being the best puppet friend a boy could ask for. All hail Healthy Harold.
7. Having buddies
When you were in kindergarten, your buddy was the oldest and coolest person you’d ever met. When you got to Year 6, having a buddy was your first glimpse into parenthood and it was terrifying.
Cops and Robbers. Red Light, Green Light. 44 Homes. Kiss and Catch. Bull rush. Stuck in the Mud. Sleeping Lions. Heads Down Thumbs Up. What’s the time Mr. Wolf?
These games are timeless and will forever beat beer pong or Never Have I Ever.
9. Rainy movie days
Rainy days did suck because, obviously, you weren’t able to play the games just mentioned. But you were able to watch whatever the teacher had in their desk on the projector.
10. Footy cards
Footy cards was the most competitive trading game since Pokemon. I’m sure your footy cards got banned as well, and then black market competitions popped up under demountable classrooms.