Here's What Happened When I Stopped Conforming

Conforming isn't difficult. It's easy to lie to yourself, and it's even easier to lie to others.

Take it from someone who knows.

I'm gonna be honest. In the final years of primary school, I thought I was the bee's knees and some. In other words, my head was securely lodged up my own ass. I was "cool" by association, as I was in the so-called "popular group".

This desire to kick it with the "cool" kids continued into high school, except this time, something was different. These new "cool" kids treated me like crap. I was the butt of most jokes. The target of most insults. For a while, it didn't matter to me - I was content with being a human pedestal for them to stand on. I still wanted to walk, talk and act up like them and no longer wanted to walk, talk or behave like me.

Luckily, I soon struck gold in forming friendships with people outside this cult-like circle. People who weren't as "cool" but were kind, funny, and most importantly a bit weird, like me. As I gravitated towards my newfound mates, things changed. Suddenly, I had perspective.

I didn't have to sacrifice being myself to have friends. It wasn't the act of conforming that was difficult for me, but rather the primary repercussion: losing myself.

Conformity is strange. It seems like we all need to take part in it, at least a little. We feel like we belong and are valued. But like with practically everything, there's a downside too. By the same logic, if we're not careful, we can become programmed to do what we think we should do rather than what we want to do in each and every situation. We can become obsessed with how we're perceived, as we convince ourselves that external opinions dictate our self-worth. We can suppress our true selves so often, we forget who we actually are.

I feel we're so accustomed to conforming in other areas of life, so it appears only natural to do so in a social sense too. For example, the expectation to work a "crappy" job, save money, get a degree, get a "good" job and buy a house comes from the fact that this pathway has worked for others. It's almost a biological function.

Being yourself isn't always easy. It's kinda tricky at times.

It's almost like we have to work against our own impulse to trim ourselves down to size for society. For me, it took a mix of time and maturity to get comfortable in my own skin. I'm still working on it - it's a work in progress.

Today, I'm not "cool" or "popular" (by definition), but I'm so much happier. The mate that helped me out of my phase as a 'flock follower' is now my best one and I live each day as me, rather than some crappy knock-off version of me. Yeah, I'm sure people think I'm weird af 'cause I don't think double denim is a crime. 'Cause I mouth the words to songs when I’m walking in public with earphones on (I just can't resist). 'Cause when I'm doing this, I lip-sync the lyrics of Springsteen rather than those of Sheeran. I get it, world, I'm basically a dad already: the music taste, dated fashion sense, daggy dance moves and so on (everything but kids). I just don't really care anymore. It's liberating! 

All I'm trying to say (without sounding too pretentious or preachy I hope) is conformity is a part of life, but I reckon everyone should make sure it doesn't take over. It can be difficult, but as far as I can see, being yourself is more than worth it.

Written by Conor O'Farrell