15 Jun 2020

Boy oh boy, this year has been rough. From bushfires to the global coronavirus pandemic, 2020 has been tough on the ole' mental health for so many of us. It’s an understatement to say these events have caused a lot of stress and uncertainty.

Although, this week is International Men’s Health Week and it’s the perfect time to check in with the boys and even yourself with how you’re going. Why? Because research has shown men are less likely to seek professional help for problems, particularly those of an emotional nature.

Now, trying to understand your own mental health can be difficult in and of itself, let alone figuring out how on earth you’re meant to talk to your mates about mental health.

These conversations are hard to start and they’re certainly not the most fun or comfortable. But it’s really important to know how you can tell someone you’re not yourself lately. Having support goes a very very long way.

 

1. Before starting the convo, go in with a goal

Whether it’s as simple as letting your mate know how you’re going or if you’re just reassuring yourself you’ve got their support, go into the convo with your goal in mind.

No matter how big or small your goal is, it’s a significant start to keeping not only your mates up-to-date but a way to reflect on how you’re going too.

If you’ve come this far in building up the courage to begin the convo, you deserve to keep going.

2. Be prepared

For a challenging chat, make sure you’re prepared. That includes what you want to get at and a few ground rules for yourself.

As much as possible, stay at the same eye level. If they’re seated, sit. If they’re standing, stand. It’s not helpful for one person to be physically above or below your mate.

But another thing is be prepared with how you’re gonna bring it up. Best way to break the ice is to start a discussion of places and people who are already having convos similar to you. This way, it can provide a natural bridge for those conversations in your own friendships.

Take the half-time campaign Movember ran last year. Rugby legends spoke about alarming rising male suicide rates. You can bring it up in a convo with your mate like “did you see James Horwill talk about how many blokes will be lost to suicide by half-time?” Whatever their response is, be prepared to educate them a bit more about it and it can be a perfect way to discuss how you’re feeling too.

3. Do something while you’re saying something

Truth be told, we’re not all comfortable sitting opposite someone and talking about our feelings.

If you don’t want to sit face-to-face, you could bring the topic up while you do another activity. Whether it’s trekking it on a bushwalk, watching the footy or cruising around town in a late-night drive, it’s a great way to reduce pressure.

You can also shift the topic back to the activity to avoid getting overwhelmed if it doesn’t go to plan.

4. Actually start the convo

The conversation doesn’t have to be perfect. It can be as direct and open or as indirect as you want.

For example, saying something like, “I’m going through a tough time, and dealing with some stuff” or “I’ve been getting way too stressed lately and could use a hand” are both good ways to get things going. There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to this – just start with what is comfortable for you.

5. Take it online (if you’re uncomfortable)

Hear me out. We’re taught that it’s best to have important conversations in person. But this isn’t always going to suit. The mate you want to talk to might not live close by or you’re just not sure how they’ll respond.

There’s nothing wrong with sending a message, text or DM to check in because if you want to meet up in person afterwards you can. All in all, it’s better to do something than do nothing at all.

Telling your mate you’re not okay may seem daunting, but most of this fear comes from the expectation you place on yourself that you can fix everything yourself. Don’t worry, because you’re not alone.

Allow yourself an opportunity to open up and show that you’re not your usual self. Telling them won’t be perfected in just one convo, but getting the convo starts is the most important part. Once you’ve got the ball rolling, you’ve already done half the battle.

 

YEAR13 ENCOURAGES ANYONE STRUGGLING TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH; IT'S NEVER A BAD TIME TO ASK FOR HELP:

Lifeline 13 11 14

Kids Helpline 1800 551 800

MensLine Australia 1300 789 978

Beyond Blue 1300 22 46 36

Headspace 1800 650 890