30 Oct 2020

Ah, sometimes one door closes for another to open. And sometimes, that door knocks you out cold, leaving you unemployed.

Getting fired isn't a vibe. It's a little embarrassing, very disheartening and pretty frazzling... I mean, hello, I need money!?!

But let's be real, sometimes being fired leaves you with a pretty funny story. I'm definitely not saying you should aim to be fired - let's stay efficient and punctual people!

But hey, sometimes that door does close. Here are some pretty classic anecdotes I've heard from mates and fellow employees who've been sacked. Don't worry, they're all off to bigger and better things. Well, most of them...

1. Stealing

This is a trap for young players - it's illegal, y'all! Even if you think it'd be all g to just snag a cheeky snack or two, it's still a no bueno move.

I've had one mate fired for stealing an apple from the supermarket she worked at and another was sacked for constantly sneaking baked food home after shifts.

I have a friend who was sat down by her boss because she apparently kept stealing M&M's. She denied this hideous accusation by saying "I don't even like M&M's," but unfortunately, the boss had proof on the security cameras that said otherwise. 

Bottom line is that being a klepto isn't the best way to keep your job and score a great reference for the future.

2. Forgetting your shifts... countless of times

We've all worked with a person that is like a game of Russian Roulette. Will they be late? Will they hide all shift in the staff bathroom? Will they even turn up for work at all? Funnily enough, employers don't like playing that Russian Roulette on shift.

I have known many people to be laid off because they were as reliable as a wet sock. Hot tip, check when you have work, write your shifts on your calendar and get on top of your time management skills if you want to keep your job. 

3. Being constantly distracted by your phone

I work at a cinema and one employee would always rock up to work yelling "howdy howdy let's get rowdy" on a Tuesday morning, watch the weirdest videos on their phone (like "Turkish Man Meowing At An Egg For Ten Minutes") rather than serve customers and always be on her phone.

During her last shift, she left a load of popcorn to burn which consequently set the smoke alarms off. What was she doing during this? You guessed it, watching more weird videos in her tenth bathroom break in an hour.

4. Shifts are a perf time for a nap

One of my friends is basically a sloth. He can fall asleep whenever, wherever. I swear he can sleep standing up now. 

Unfortunately, for most jobs, you're required to be awake at least 99% of the time and after being caught dozing off in the staff room, the bathrooms, the balcony, the upstairs lockers, behind the bar, at the bar... basically every nook and cranny of his workplace, after two warnings, he was laid off.

Get some rest before work (even if it's after a big night out, grab some coffee and get to it).

5. Leaving Facebook logged in on the staff computer

I had a friend who worked in reception. During this short stint, they were constantly using the company phone to chinwag with mates. If their boss walked past, they'd quickly pretend they were discussing work topics.

"Yes, to sign up to our membership scheme, all you need to do is..."

Let's just say, they were the ultimate at slacking off for a chat. But there was one thing that was even worse - leaving their FB logged in on the staff computer.

Long story short, their boss found the last message they had sent to a friend: "I haven't done any work all day, I can't believe I get paid for this." And that, my friends, is how you get fired.

Now look... my departing piece of advice is don't steal, show up to work, stay off your phone, get some sleep and don't just talk, talk, talk on shift. Then you'll probably be sweet!