Why You Should Care About What Words You Choose

Whoever came up with the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” obviously never went to high school and it shows. Words can be pretty damn painful. 

Whether they’re kind, honest, or hurtful, all words have meaning attached to them. That’s why we use them, isn’t it? This is why we have to be really careful about what we say, and when we say it.

Back when I was at school, it would be common practice for people to throw around rogue language. Not just swearing, but words that cut deep for specific groups of people. I won’t go into specifics, but you know what I’m talking about. They’re the words that turn heads. The ones that make you nervous when a teacher overhears you saying it.

I want to preface this by saying there’s absolutely no judgement if you’ve thrown around some offensive language in your time. I’ve defs said some things I’m not proud of. But it’s all about making an effort to understand the meaning of the words you use, so that you’re not making the people around you feel uncomfortable.

There’s a massive difference between calling someone out for their actions, and saying something offensive to someone based on who they are as a person. Like, you could tell someone they're being a bit of a dunce if they’re acting out of sorts and they probably wouldn’t mind too much. But saying to someone, “you are a (insert derogatory language here)” that’s really not okay because it will leave them feeling pretty shit about themselves. 

I’ve heard people defend some pretty awful words by saying it was “just a joke and they didn’t mean it like that,”or “I wouldn’t care if someone said it to me.” But everyone’s experience is different, so that word could mean a heck of a lot more to someone else because of their gender, race or sexual orientation. In the same way, some words might affect you more than would to somebody else. 

That doesn’t just mean the people you’re talking to directly. You could be making other people around you – even your friends – uncomfortable. Using derogatory language might leave them feeling like they can’t talk to you about certain things. Imagine leaving your best friends feeling unsafe around the person they should be able to trust the most. 

So next time you use a word to describe someone, ask yourself why you’re using it. Why did you choose to say it? What meaning does that word have to you? Now think about what meaning that word has for other people and what are the effects it could have on that person? Do you actually know what those words mean? And do you fully understand what they mean to the people it was invented to insult?

Even if you’re with a group where you think it’s “safe” to use a certain word, you still don’t know that anyone in that group has another friend or family member who would be really offended by it. I’m sure everyone has a story where they were with a group and said something without thinking, then realising later you actually used a slur against one of their siblings.

Of course, if you’re in a habit of saying certain words, it's not easy to quit cold turkey, because that’s what a habit is, right? But try to pull yourself up on it each time you notice yourself saying them. Or if you have a friend in a similar situation who also wants to change up the language they use, you can be each other’s spotters and call each other out (in a way that doesn’t shame each other). 

At the end of the day, it should be everyone’s goal to make the people around them feel comfortable – that’s why it’s so important to understand the words that you use. A word that you think is harmless could actually make someone else feel really unsafe, just for being who they are. So please keep kindness in the forefront of your mind, and catch yourself out when you do slip up. Because everybody is a work in progress.