13 Aug 2020

Ah, parents. Bless their hearts but jeez can they be a nightmare with their convoluted phrases and little manipulations. 

Send this article to your creators so they can stop driving you mad.

1. “When I was your age…”

We get it. You had to walk 20kms to school. There were no cellphones so you'd have to wait in line at the telephone booth to call your Grandma. For Christmas, you'd get a pair of socks. 

You really don't have to keep telling us how ancient you are. We are well aware already.

2. "Money doesn't grow on trees" 

I swear, every time I'd ask my mum for some canteen money, she'd always sigh and say "money doesn't grow on trees". 

Babe, I know that. If that were the case, I'd be a full-time gardener. But help your poor daughter out for once pleaaaaseeee.

3. "If so and so jumped off a cliff would you?"

If I got a dollar every time my parents said this one, I would never have to ask them for canteen money again. We get it, don't be a sheep. Don't be peer pressured. There's only so many times that you can say this cautionary phrase before it loses meaning. I think it's time to create a new one. 

4. "Well, so and so got a 98 ATAR..."

What I mean by this is the endless comparing. Can't you hear the tone of your parent when you read that? The slight judgement in their tone disguised with a coy demeanour to confuse you. The way it jabs at your subconscious to say "you're not good enough!" Stop comparing us to our cousins and our siblings, please!

5. "Close the door! The aircon is on! Were you raised in a barn?"

Maybe this is a niche one but there was something about my dad and closing doors. Even if I closed the front door too slowly, you'd hear him screaming "WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN?" No, I wasn't. And neither were you, dad. "Air con is expensive!!" he'd yell. Yeah, I know that because you had it ingrained in me from a young age that money doesn't grow on trees. *Sigh*.

6. "Go ask your dad"

"Okay."

7. "Go ask your mum"

"I just asked mum!" 

8. "You're living under my roof"

You know you're about to cop a razzing when your mum says this. Once I got so mad that I ran away and decided I'd live in the bush under no one's roof! Free to live my own life. Then I got bitten by a bee and returned home, defeated.

We get it. If we live under your roof, we have to play by your rules. Way to be a drag...

9. "You've got legs, use them”

God forbid I ask dad to bring me a glass of water since he's up already. 

10. "You'll live"

You know how sarcasm is a poor mans wit. Tough love is a poor mans... uhh...love. If I ever came home groaning over a boring day of school, my parents would always say "you'll live". Yeah, I know I will, but some empathy would be nice!

11. “I’m not asking, I’m telling”

If I refused to do something, my mum would always in a shrill voice that could awaken the dead "I'm not asking, I'm telling." Shots fired.

12. "Clean your room"

But whyyyyyyyy? I'm the only one that has to use it! Then they'd probably say "you're living under my roof" and the cycle just continues and continues.

13. “Wipe that smile off your face"

This one truly sends shivers down my spine as it transports me to times I've been razzed by my parents and tried to laugh it off. Then, they'd say in a tone that could move mountains: "Wipe that smile off your face" and I'd freeze... Oh, I was about to cop it alright.