Why Your First Time Is Gonna Suck

When it comes to your teen years, there’s a lot of things you’re going to try for the first time. From experiences like your first time being ghosted (or first time ghosting, I don’t shame here), to your first kiss and your first time having sex.

And the chances are that you’ve manifested the expectation that your first time will be nothing short of euphoric. But like life, you’ll realise your first time will be messy, steamy, cringe-worthy yet undeniably brilliant in all the right ways.

First time drinking

Look, I’m not going to sit here and lie to you- your first time drinking is actually a hella good time. You tap into an alter-ego you never thought you had and most of the time, that alter-ego is the best form of yourself.

But there are two things that sucks from your first time drinking.

One is definitely not knowing your limit. One Double Black or Cruiser too many and the next thing you know you’re either knee deep in a D&M with someone you just met, caught texting an ex or your shirt is off and you’re making an absolute ass of yourself. The headache the next day will have you promising to never drink again (until the next party at least).

The next is the creeping and everlasting fear of your parents finding out you’re drinking grog. Despite the thrill of being up to no good, the chance of being caught is absolutely frightening.

First time smooching

No amount of google searches on kissing techniques could ever prepare you for how much your first kiss (literally) sucks.

I’m talking awkward tongue action, far too much accidental gnawing and the overwhelming sensation of determining how on earth you’re meant to breathe after being somewhat suffocated.

Losing your kiss-ginity is certainly memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. You’re lying if you say your first kiss was good.

First time doing the naughty

You know what I mean when I’m talking about doing the naughty. Yep, sex. The word that is on everyone’s lips. Sometimes it feels like everyone around you is having sex, but you don’t feel ready yet. Not to mention you’ve probably endured more than a few talks about sex, whether it’s from teachers, parents or your mates.

When you and you alone decide when you’re ready, the first time is certainly not what you imagined it to be like.

It’s not as easy as porn made you believe, the location isn’t ideal, you don’t know what goes where and throughout you both become sweaty messes. Your sexpectations have let you down, but at least now you know what you’re in for next time.

 Nothing goes off without a hitch the first time 'round. And there’s a first for everything though, right? I hope that sentiment settles your knees buckling when you lean in for a smooch for the very first time. Good luck kiddos.