04 May 2022 | 5 mins
Overview
  • Can you be a little needy or jealous? Do you think your comments are verging away from banter and more towards being plain cruel? Do you looove to gossip? Here is how to tell if you're acting a bit 🥵toxic🥵
  • Buuut the fact that you're self-aware enough to wanna better yourself is something to be proud of! It's never too late to change 🥰

Ah, toxic mates. 

They might lie, use and abuse you. Maybe you're just a guest at their perpetual pity party, maybe they always have to be right, maybe they're judgemental and cruel, maybe they ignore you until they need you. After you hang out with them, you may feel drained, as if you spent time with an emotional vampire; maybe you might feel self-conscious or low. No one wants a 🔥toxic🔥 mate. 

But hey, sometimes we can't smell our own BO. Sometimes we don't realise that we're the toxic mate... Ruh roh indeed.

1. Have you asked them a question? 

Think about your past convos with mates. Do you know what your friends have been up to? How their fam is, their job or their travel plans? What they've been watching and reading? Who they've been crushing on?...

Or do you just remember you chinwaggin'? 🥵 Try to catch yourself next time you're catching up with mates. Do you interrupt them? Do you ask them questions? Do you actually listen to them? Do you emotionally one-up them? "Oh man, something worse happened to me yesterday!"... Eek.

2. Talk smack, get a whack

If gossiping about your mates (whether that's sharing their secrets or making fun of them) is a thrill... you are Britney Spears style toxic. 

When you're with your mates do you make jabs at them? Like past-the-point-of-banter-cruel-jabs. Jabs about their fashion taste, their hobbies or their marks in that bio assignment... What are their reactions? Do they laugh or do they seem caught off guard? 

As a rule of thumb, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. 

3. You're normally jealous over happy for them

Are they in a new relationship? Did they land a new job? Are they traveling the world? 

If the colour green clouds your brain and you're not actually able to be happy for them, that's not the vibe they're gonna wanna keep around. I mean, why should they then reciprocate their happiness when you succeed in one way or the other? The truth hurts baby. 

4. My way or the highway

Do you always need to know what your mates are doing or who they're hanging out with? Is it "my way or the highway" when it comes to plans, whether that's what restaurant to go to or what movie to see? Do you constantly give unsolicited advice instead of listening to and empathising with your mates? 

You may be treating your mates more like puppets than actual people. You might wanna look up the word 'compromise' in the dictionary.

5. You're Needy Nelly

Do you lean on your friends maybe a little too hard? When you're even just 1% rattled, do you bombard them with a million messages? Are you constantly in need of reassurance? Do you need them to lift your spirits or self-esteem up alllll the time? Do you get frazzled when you don't get a reply within seconds? 

Obviously, friends are meant to be there for you! But, your mates don't wanna feel like they're your therapist over your friend.

As Hannah Montana once sang: "Nobody's perfect". We all make mistakes and fall into habits, but the beauty about being human is that it's never too late to change, learn and grow. The fact that you're self-aware enough to honestly acknowledge that you're a lil' toxic is something to be so damn proud of! 🥰