18 Aug 2016

Ben Abanat is a 17-year-old vagabond who has been travelling the world for the last eight months, now working in Amsterdam and seriously living the life.

Welcome to my little introverted mind.

It’s crazy up in here, but you wouldn’t see that from the outside. I don’t think many people know the true Ben yet, because what’s on the outside is so completely different to the inside. I’m certainly no extrovert, yet I’m a traveller. I’ve been halfway around the world, stayed in so many hostels and travelled alone for 3 months. I’ve made a multitude of friends, and yet I’m still so far from being an extrovert. I never actually realised this until someone asked me how it was to be an introverted traveller.

Perhaps a better way to ‘label’ my social ‘security’ is to define me as an extroverted introvert. It’s certainly a valid phenomenon and definitely not uncommon. Why? Let’s face it, in this modern age extroverts are favoured. If you’re the loud, confident joker in high-school then you’re the cool guy. Confidence is hot, apparently. But that leaves half the population who were cursed with introvert-ism out of the picture. Social standards rule that shy people aren’t cool. Quiet guys might do well in school but socially they’re ‘unequipped’ for the real world. And I say cursed because, as an introvert, it is a curse to be the awkward, quiet guy at the party.

Introverts recharge through alone-time, it’s a fact, but it doesn’t mean that we’re going to put up with being the lesser of the two groups. It becomes a serious task for us introverts to force ourselves to be the cooler guy. To be louder, more confident and develop some kind of expertise in self-promotion.

Enter the extroverted introvert.

He’s a reserved guy but loves being the centre of attention. Meeting new people isn’t so hard for him, but keeping those friends close suddenly becomes a huge effort. Not in the sense that he doesn’t want to keep them, more so, how can he keep them without coming across as overly obsessed and attached to these new friends. And so he retreats into his shell of introvertedness and overthinks the situation when really, his new friends are just that. New friends.

Sometimes he is cool, mostly by accident, and sometimes he is his awkward introverted self. But no matter what reality dictates, in his mind he will always strive to be more extroverted than he is. He has extroverted qualities, sure, but they certainly don’t flaunt themselves. And thus, the extroverted introvert is born.

I genuinely believe that most travellers are extroverts. Travellers stay in hostels, have no troubles talking to strangers at the bar and seem to make new friends the minute they walk in. Before I even left I knew that I wasn’t this type of guy, so in this sense, it’s hard as hell to be an introverted traveller. If I’m honest, I spent hours reading articles and blogs on how I could make friends while travelling. Every one of them said it was a piece of cake and it happens naturally, no matter who you are. But that didn’t stop me from overthinking the likelihood that I would never make one friend in the entire year I was away.

Fast forward 3 months. I’m travelling alone around Bali absorbing the warm sun and lush scenery. I book an impulsive snorkelling tour around 3 islands, making this the first activity I have done while travelling that involves strangers. Put simply, I had the option of making friends or being the loner on tour. No way in hell was I going to be the loner on tour – no, the extrovert in me came out and I forced myself into an uncomfortable situation where I would either rise and shine or put my awkwardness on display to 15 other travellers. The latter wasn’t an option, but I quickly realised that it wasn’t just ‘not an option’, but more so, something that wasn’t likely to happen anyway.

Those articles were all true, and I understood that making friends while travelling really isn’t hard. Yes, most travellers are extroverts. They talk heaps and find no difficulties in doing so. But secretly for us extroverted introverts, it’s a blessing in disguise. Extroverted travellers assume that every other traveller is an extrovert, meaning they’ll talk to everyone as if they’re an extrovert as well. Say goodbye to starting conversations friends, your life just became so much easier.

There’s this thing called a comfort zone. It’s a bitch. Introverts, extroverts, extroverted introverts and introverted extroverts all have a comfort zone. The borders and limits may differ between each person, but everyone has one. It’s up to each individual to determine how much they’re going to let their comfort zone control them. I’m not going to lie, the comfort zone is a really nice place to be. It’s safe, secure and unobtrusive. There’s no vulnerability and certainly no pressure. But this is where it becomes your decision to determine how much you are going to let your comfort zone define you.

As hard as it is, as violating as it can feel, the other side of your comfort zone is a place you want to be. Take this from an introvert who has experienced life on the outside of my comfort zone. Take this from someone who was too shy to engage in conversation with new classmates in year 8. I understand you. It’s honestly one of the hardest things that I have ever forced myself into, but the reward is so great it’s worth doing it over and over again. Whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, there will come a time when you must challenge your comfort zone. When you make peace with this, introversion isn’t a curse anymore. Don’t allow your social fear prevent you from seeing the great wonders if this majestic world!