01 Jan 2020

The new year brings out different sides of people. You've got your keen-as-a-bean-resolution setters, waking up early to seize the first of January. Then there's those who absolutely do not care that it's a new year. Perhaps you'll run into a poor soul sitting in the corner, rocking back and forth in the fetal position, having an existential crisis. I mean, how is it already 2020? How? What does it all mean? What is time, really? Where is my life going? What is the purpose of my life? Well great, I think I'm having an existential crisis too. Yeehaw.

1. Dusty and dazed

They probably got to sleep when the sun rose and woke up with a crippling hangover. They've started 2020 with a bang - a bang that has made them rush to every toilet to chuck up in. They smell of vodka and look like death. Someone give them some Berocca, ASAP. 

2. They're going to start EVERYTHING

Their resolutions list could wrap around the moon and January the 1st will be the start of getting through as much as possible. They're attempting to learn French whilst baking. They've bought a new guitar and sheet music and have borrowed their mates' surfboard to learn to shred. They've tried to paint a self-portrait and went to the library to buy some classic literature to read. Being around them makes you tired.

3. New Year New Me

2020 is the year of THEM and they want to change everything about themself. New haircut, new piercing, new clothes, new tattoo, new slang, new nickname. Their complete 180-degree turn has made them unrecognisable. It really is a new them.

4. Wait, what year is it again?

Is it 2019 or 2020. Is it 2016? Is it 1994? They're frazzled at the time flying by and can't keep up to date. Surely it's not 2020 right? Surely not.

Queue the next existential crisis. I mean, what does it all really mean? Time. Life. They're spiralling.

5. Christmas spirit never dies

They refuse to take their Christmas tree and lights down and are still saying 'Merry Christmas' to everyone. The smell of tinsel will linger with them for at least another month but for real, someone needs to tell them to stop blasting 'All I Want Gor Christmas Is You' and to stop watching 'Love Actually' on repeat. 

6. Straight to work

Their last dollar in their bank account is lonely thanks to buying Christmas presents and partying. They have some money to earn and will be capitalising on public holiday rates. The grind begins!

7. Who cares that it's a new year?

It's just another day and they'll treat it as such. Same morning routine, same job and same hobbies. Same meals, same clothes. 2020? Who cares. It's just another day in another year. They're probably rolling their eyes at everyone's resolutions.

8. Fitness fanatic

Their new year's resolution was to get fit and healthy. They've bought their gym membership, they've eaten an acai bowl for breakfast and they've watched every youtube video about fitness motivation under the sun. Will it last? We'll have to wait and see.

9. Already given up on their resolutions

Alas, they had dreams and goals but have already realised that they can't be bothered to go for them. Maybe they'll try again next week or next month. Maybe next year. Might as well quit whilst you're already ahead, right? :(

10. You didn't see them

They have been in bed the whole day, recovering from one hectic, jampacked year. The 1st of Jan is their day of hibernation, preparing them for another year.