20 Jun 2018

In the middle of my final year of high school, my boyfriend dumped me.

I’d just finished my half-yearly exams and was desperate to hang out, as we hadn’t seen each other for weeks. But the heartfelt reunion I was expecting came didn’t happen, as he stood on my driveway and told me that he didn’t love me anymore.

In my heart of hearts, I knew it was coming, even if I wasn’t ready to admit it. Truly, we just weren’t happy, and ultimately weren’t right for each other. But it didn’t make it any less devastating when it happened. High school relationships can be pretty damn life changing, and when they end it can feel like the world is falling apart.

It took a while to get over, and it wasn’t easy. But here’s some tips that helped me through it, and I hope they can help you get through this.

1. Let yourself be hurt

Here’s the most important one, right up front. No matter how short or long-term your relationship was, how serious or casual, do not expect to get over it immediately. It’s an emotional blow and expecting to feel fine straight after is kinda unrealistic when you’ve got so much other stuff to worry about. As cliche as it is, your heart heals at the pace it chooses, and you can’t force it to go any faster.

You’re going to be thinking so many things: ‘I’ll never get over them, I miss them so much, what if I see them? I f*cking hate them, should I hook up with them one last time? Should I message them?’

Don’t give in and for the love of god, don’t get drunk and text them. Accept that you’ll feel shitty for a while.

2. It ended for a reason

Relationships often don’t end without a cause. Whether it’s cheating, falling out of love, distance or whatever else, something wasn’t right. Someone, you or them, wasn’t happy, and maybe the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. Whatever the reason, it’s over, which sucks but school is ending, and your life is beginning. There’s a whole world of possibility waiting for you on the other side of this year.

Acknowledge this: It’s over. Process your feelings, and just let things flow. Never, ever let it bottle up, which brings us to…

3. Talk to people

It’s pretty easy to feel isolated in your break up. All the movies, music and teenage clichés tell us we need to find our soulmate and have the perfect relationship. It can feel like a failure when something doesn’t work out and your pain can feel like something you have to suffer by yourself. The reality is, heart break doesn’t have to be private if you don’t want it to be. Tell your mum and dad, spill everything you wish you could have said to your ex to drunk strangers at a party and message everyone in your group chat. The thing is, everyone has their own experience and ways of coping, so talk to people and get all the support and advice you can get. You don’t have to do this alone and no dumb ex is going to be the end of your world.

4. Have some fun

Yeah, your exams can be a lot of work, and you’ve always got a to-do list with a million things you should be doing. But you’re going through a tough time, and some fun is a step in the path to feeling better. Hang out with your mates, take a few hours for some family time, or go see that movie that you’ve been dying to watch. Don’t forget about that stack of work but have a balance. Surround yourself with some positive vibes and friendly faces will, even if you feel like wrapping yourself in a blanket burrito.

5. Be kind to yourself

If nothing else, just cut yourself some slack. Don’t put kilos of pressure on yourself to get A’s when you’re feeling the equivalent of an F. Don’t expect to be 100% focused at school when your brain is curled up in a ball. Watch some Netflix, eat some good food, and do things that make you happy; whatever they may be. Avoid letting yourself get to the point where all you can do is stare at old photos crying.

Teenage heart break is rough but you’re going to be okay. Time passes, things change and everything gets easier.

by Kaitlyn Hudson-O'Farrell