30 Apr 2019

My 18th wasn’t your typical booze-filled celebration of reaching adulthood. I had felt pretty adult for a while – I’d travelled by myself across the world, had to manage my own finances, deal with loss and wasn’t exactly unfamiliar with alcohol on the eve of 18. Instead, I took the time to reflect on what I’d learnt over eighteen years. It had felt like it took forever to get there, but I was so underwhelmed by the milestone. I sat down with a cup of tea in my pyjamas and thought about all the experiences that had contributed to getting me to this point; all the hard lessons I had to learn.

Here goes… eighteen lessons for eighteen years:

 

1. You are the only person you need to be good enough for.

2. Friends will come and go. Don’t change who you are to appease potentially temporary people.

3. Invest and save early. You never know when financial security will mean the most.

4. Sometimes you just have to say ‘f*ck it’ and go for it. 9/10 times your gut is right and it will lead you to where you need to be.

5. Crappy things happen to good people. It’s not fair, but something good always comes from misfortune – be it a sense of gratitude or a lesson.

6. Don’t be too precious about material goods. They don’t necessarily add meaning to your life. Invest yourself in experiences and relationships.

7. It is too easy to point out the toxicity in others and even easier to not realise your own toxic behavior. Keep yourself in check and take criticism with a grain of salt.

8. There is no need to rush experiences and ‘firsts’. They’ll happen when they happen.

9. Travel and immerse yourself in different cultures, lifestyles, and environments as much as possible.

10. It is incredibly unlikely that you will meet your soul mate/best friend/person in your corner of the world. Your kind of people are out there. Go meet them.

11. Mental health is so much more important than it is given credit for. Don’t ever hesitate to reach out. You can go to the gym, take your vitamins and drink your water, but if you don’t deal with the stuff going on in your head and your heart, you aren’t healthy.

12. Your community directly shapes who you are and who you are becoming. Be selective in who you allow to influence you.

13. Stick by your values. No one else gets to determine or reduce what is important to you.

14. Don’t underestimate the power of physical activity, being out in nature or exploring your passion. Taking time away to connect to yourself and the world is so healing and is the best way to get in touch with who you are.

15. Healthy eating is important, but so is feeling satisfied and content in your body. Everything in moderation.

16. Use protection. Sunscreen, contraception, emotional boundaries. Don’t let an outside factor be in control of your future.

17. It’s okay to cry a little sometimes (or a lot, often). Just so long as you talk it out, pick yourself up and count your blessings.

18. No one has it figured out, so don’t expect yourself to. Your expectations, limits, and criticisms will always be greater than any hurdle that life will throw at you.

by Grace DeChaneet