13 Jul 2021

I don't know the name of the guy I lost my virginity to. Nor could I speak his language. Nor was it legal (location-wise)...?

We're off to a great start, aren't we? Hah! Alright, rewind! ⏪

I was the epitome of late bloomers in high school. Whilst my mates were rooting like rabbits, I was making my Sims 'woohoo'. Go figure.

I had crushes here and there but they were never so all-encompassing that I wanted to do anything about them. I was happy just mucking around with my mates, reading, writing and... you guessed it... playing the Sims. Don't hate me 'coz you ain't me.

Being a virgin didn't really phase me. Sure, things could get a lil' cringe when my mates would treat me like an innocent flower, telling me jokingly to cover my ears when the conversation steered towards sex, or the countless times that I'd win ‘never have I ever’... But alas, I didn't really care.

Fast forward ⏩ to my gap year extravaganza. I know it's cringe to say "I found myself on my gap year"... but... I really did. I became less timid and scared of the world, more open to new opportunities, new people and new experiences... Sex was finally on my radar at the age of 18. The day had finally come! I was ready. 

I kissed various guys in various hostels, clubs and events. Then, one night in San Sebastian in Spain, after a beautiful pub crawl, a tonne of new friends, I smashed some cocktails... but took the cocktail "sex on the beach" too far...

See, there was a French guy in this pub crawl. We'd had fun all night having an erratic conversation using my high school French knowledge and his extremely broken English. So broken that he kept saying; "You will marry me?" to me... Either he didn't know what that meant or he was trying stitch me up as his gateway into an Australia visa.

I was feeling carefree and his French accent was *chefs kiss*, so we took the night to the beach and... well we were both a lil' tipsy so we ugh, did it on the beach.

This is probably irrelevant to the story but only now writing this article, years later, have I discovered that having sex on the beach in Spain is illegal and can cost you up to €75,000 in fines.

Like a virgin... touched for the very first time... and then $118,563 Australian Dollars in debt... CAN YOU IMAGINE!!??!

What can you learn from this?

DON'T DO IT ON THE BEACH, YOU DETTY PIGS. 

Now, I haven't been taking this very seriously because I think this is a funny story. I don't remember the name of this beautiful French man - I guess that makes the story even more enigmatic (or stupid). 

Look. Sex is what you make of it. If you wanna lose your virginity to someone you're actually into (or at least know their name), do it! If, like me, you weren't overly bothered, you'll be sweet too. 

To be completely honest, after I lost my virginity, I had fun doing the dirty with more "randoms".

Then it got to the point where I was like "Hmm, I think I'd like to do it with someone I really like next". But both choices are FINE! Whatever floats your dingy baby!

I lost my virginity to a random and don't regret it for a second. But that's just my outlook of sex and of life, really. Your outlook probably looks different to mine and that's more than okay! Do what feels right for you! Don't ever feel pressured to lose your V-card any certain way. 

And for the love of god, don't have sex on the beach.