20 Nov 2020

Guys, it’s time to panic. We’re already halfway through schoolies, and you probably haven’t done half of the stuff you planned to do.

Schoolies is an epic time, and despite what you may have read in some of our other articles – please know that schoolies is THE MOST IMPORTANT TIME OF YOUR LIFE AND IF YOU DON’T DO ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ON THIS LIST YOU WILL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

So, please, avoid a lifetime of regret by ensuring you do 100% of the following activities:

Listen to some absolute tuuuuunez

If you or one of your friends doesn’t obnoxiously yell ‘TUUUUNEEEE’ at least once every three hours on your schoolies trip, then you guys are doing something seriously wrong.

Schoolies is a time of celebration, and Western youth culture dictates that all celebrations must be done to loud, pulsating music. Especially music of the ‘tuuuneee’ variety.

Kiss someone, or something

Even if it’s a statue, your toothbrush, or the shell of a hermit crab. Just close your eyes, aim poorly, and pucker up.

See something new

I don’t care if you’ve done 100 road trips to Byron or already been to Bali five times with the fam, go somewhere you’ve never been before. Not only are you celebrating the end of an era – you’re starting a new chapter of your life, so don’t fill it up with the been-there-done-that’s.

If you’ve seen it all, try a new experience. Surfing, skydiving, painting, trekking, waking up early – anything, come on!

Swim

Come on, it’s summer! Whether you’re doing one of the classic trips (think Goldy, Byron) or something a little more alternate (Yamba, Wollongong), you better be submerging that summer-ready body of yours in some nice, refreshing water on a regular basis.

Even if you’re doing schoolies somewhere miles from the nearest body of water, I would be personally offended if you didn’t at least fill up a bathtub (or a hole you just dug) with water and lie in it for a minute or two.

Be with ya best mates

While this isn’t necessarily an ‘activity’, if you’re not with your best mates on schoolies you’re kinda blowing it. You’re guaranteed a way better time if you go with your mates.

Get a photo with a cop

No, I’m not saying that you should sneak behind a policeman/woman and do something offensive, provocative, or controversial. Just walk up to one, smile, and politely ask for a photo. Usually they’re good sports and will let you get a snap – who knows, if you’re lucky they may even chuck a peace sign.

If they’re not into it, though, don’t push the matter. There’s gonna be plenty of other cops around for schoolies (don’t you worry about that)!

Ride a bike

This is another one of those non-optional activities for schoolies (note – nothing on this list is optional. It’s all compulsory). Hire one, buy one, borrow one, build one yourself. Hop on and cruise around town with ya mates. Life’s better on a bike.

Shop

Come on, you’ve been studying for years, probably working a crappy job too. Treat yourself a little! Buy some clothes, a souvenir, a massage.

Get a tattoo you regret

#NORAGRETS

My brother got a terribly-drawn school bus on his left foot, with the words ‘TOO KOOL 4 SKOOL’ scrawled underneath. Dad was pissed.

This one’s definitely NOT compulsory.

Wear all the appropriate schoolies attire

For example:

  • Bucket hat
  • Sunnies with a strap on the back
  • Party shirt
  • Being barefoot (I know that’s not clothes, but it’s still part of the outfit)
  • Birks or slides (if you have to wear something)
  • A loud, obnoxious whistle

So there ya have it – a definitively comprehensive list of all the must-do activities for schoolies 2k20. If you don’t quite manage to tick them all off, don’t worry, I guess it’s not the end of the world.

It’s just the end of you ever being invited to one of my parties.

But don’t worry – my parties suck anyway.