Why You Shouldn't Be In A Relationship For The Sake Of It

Relationships obvs have a tonne of perks, the main one being back scratches. 😮‍💨😂

But sometimes the perks can't drown out the feeling that we're not 100% vibin'. Maybe you've fallen out of love with them. Maybe they've changed, or you have. Maybe you're craving some alone time to work on yourself.

But maybe you like being in a relationship. Maybe you don't want to hurt them. Maybe you just can't part ways with the back scratches. 

So you stay in limbo... waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone to break it off, or something to come between you both. Waiting to fall back in love with them. Waiting.

Staying in a lukewarm relationship is normally for these three reasons:

1. You don't want to be single

I've had friends that latch onto significant others, even if they're not fully into them. For validation. For distraction. For direction. One of them even said to me "better to be in an "ok" relationship than be single"... Aghhh yeah nah mate. 

I know I know. If you haven't been single for a hot min, or you've never really spent much time outside of a relationship, the idea of being on your own can be terrifying. But you can't string someone along for your own convenience! Being in a relationship shouldn't be convenient! Love isn't convenient! 

If the idea of being in a relationship is what's primarily keeping you there, it's time to jump ships. 

You still have your friends and family! Not to mention, it's true what they say. When you're single, you figure yourself out so much more! Your passions, interests, hobbies, values... See this is an opportunity, not an ending. 

At the end of the day, you need to love yourself before you can learn to love someone else. And if you're staying in a relationship just because... it's time to spend some alone time to figure out how to love your unreal self. 

2. You've been through so much together

I started dating my ex-boyfriend at 15. We learned to drive together. We studied for the HSC together. We graduated together... He experienced my first of... well, everything. Being with him in high school was a thrill! We'd chat in the surf, hold hands in the cinema, share each other's dinner - all that typical fluffy, American teenage rom-com stuff. I thought we were the end game.

Things became stale after high school. I wanted to move overseas, he wanted to stay in our small town forever. I wanted to go to festivals, events and gigs, he couldn't stand them. When I shared a piece of music that I'd learned or a script I'd written, I'd watch his eyes glaze over. He was interested. And I stopped being interested in him. 

Even though we'd grown apart, we clung to the relationship for dear life. I mean, we'd been through so much together and we knew each other inside and out.

One day, I saw a picture of Paris and things clicked. Why was I staying at home for a guy I didn't love anymore? 

When we broke up, it was obviously hard. I still loved him, but just not like that anymore. I missed him, I mourned over our relationship. But as I sat on the plane to Paris I felt free. I'd done the right thing.

3. You don't want to break their heart

I'm gonna be a bit cutthroat. You just have to do it. Rip the bandaid off, sit them down, be empathetic and supportive, but above all, tell the truth. 

It's better to break their heart than leave them in a fake world. Because you're not in the relationship 100%. You may feel cruel but really, you're showing mercy. Stringing them along to a relationship you're not into is more harmful than just calling it quits now. 

No one likes being dumped and no one likes dumping. But as Shia Labeouf once said: "just do it".

Don't be in a relationship for the sake of it. You're doing more harm than good for both parties and not allowing yourself to be who you really are. ⭐️