27 May 2021 | 3 mins

I was with my ex-boyfriend for three years in high school. Do I regret being with him? No. Do I regret the decision to end it? No. Do I learn from my mistakes? Yes.

It all started out fun and exciting. I was 15 and he was a year above me. He was on my mind constantly, I couldn’t stop talking to my friends about him in the dating phase, I was so infatuated with him and the idea of being in a relationship at such a crucial and exciting phase in my life.

We’d watch movies together, go out to dinner, go to the arcade, play computer games together - typical fluffy, American teenage rom-com stuff. We made each other laugh and I honestly thought we were end game. I stopped hanging out with my friends as much as I was always at his house and while they were pretty shitty about that, I was still in a relationship with someone that I thought was going to last forever.

I didn’t want the honeymoon phase to end. The random surprise visits, the picnic dates, the two-hour phone calls, the extravagant birthday gifts - just everything warm, fuzzy and romantic that you picture your whole relationship to be. You think, “there is absolutely nothing that can break us apart”.

To top it all off, he was also my first everything, which made it so hard for me to be level-headed. 

Once the honeymoon phase ended, we had our first argument. Not that I can remember what it was about but at that stage, everything was so fragile. I didn’t want to hurt him so I apologised and we moved on. One or two arguments lead to a lot more, we couldn’t express our feelings very well to each other and we said some things that we couldn’t take back. It was not all dark and gloom but it did raise some red flags.

Once those rose-coloured glasses came off after the honeymoon phase, I started to realise that we didn’t share many similarities. He loved being alone and I loved being around people. He hated festivals and concerts and I couldn’t get enough of them. He would constantly be texting and calling me and I would want none of that.

And that was because two years into the relationship, I realised that we weren’t right for each other. But that doesn’t matter, we’ve been together for two years, right? We’ve put so much time and effort into this relationship and spent two years with each other that we’re never going to get back, right?

Wrong. I was in that relationship for three years, and looking back now, I shouldn’t have ever spent that last year with him. I kept reassuring myself that I’ve been with him for this long, what’s an eternity?

I wish I could tell my younger self, if you feel underappreciated, leave. If your happiness and what you want out of a relationship is not being taken seriously, end it. Just because you stayed with someone and explored all these firsts does not mean you have to stay with them. If you’re struggling to balance school and work because your relationship is taking a toll on you, leave or put it on pause. It may come to a shock but there is much more to the world than this one person who isn’t giving their all.

Truth be told, I was scared of being alone. I was scared of what people thought about me if I left him. Looking back now, I was silly for staying and I wasn’t happy. And although I resented him because he didn’t end things sooner, I also take accountability and learnt from those mistakes.