28 Jun 2021

It can sometimes be quite daunting telling your partner what you like and dislike in the bedroom. Especially if you haven’t been together for long. But let’s be real, you’ll probably tell your best friend of ten years who you know won’t judge you before anyone else just in case you sound like a looney.

 

It can be a touchy subject and you may not want to come off like you’re super keen to introduce it in your relationship, so try these when talking about it with your other half.

Describe how you feel when talking about it

Start by telling them how you feel about expressing it. Does it make you worried, anxious, scared or confused talking about it for the first time? If anything, they’ll probably reassure you that you’re in a safe place to talk about these things.

Avoid judgment

If they’re not vibing with what you’re talking about, don’t just curl up into a little ball of embarrassment, never to speak about it ever again. Their feelings are just as valid as yours and they’ll probably be more open with what they’re into now that you’ve started the conversation!

Verbalise what you want

As much as you may think they can, your partner can’t read your mind. They might pick up on your vibe and body language but without explanation, they have no idea what’s going on in your head. It also confirms whether or not what you’re doing is okay.

It doesn’t always have to be a serious talk

Are you pretty open with your partner? See something online, or a post that brings up the conversation? Talk about it while you’re eating dinner. Bring it up in the car. You don’t need to be having a deep and meaningful sappy conversation as if your relationship depended on it.

Be okay with saying “no” and maintaining boundaries

This also goes for telling your partner what you’re not into. It’s just as important to bring up what you think is a dealbreaker or what you don’t want in your sex life. If you need to take a step back, tell them - it’s for you and not them.

Initiate if you’re comfortable and make sure they’re okay with it 

Subtly initiate but ask if they’re alright with it. Communication about consent is sexy as hell. Hey, you’re spicing it up and they might be into it! 

Don’t compare them to your ex

If there is something your ex did that your new partner hasn’t done just yet or is less willing to explore, don’t compare them to your ex. Yuck. Definitely a no-go. 

Bring it up in conversation by saying “next time, maybe we should try _____”. If they’re still not keen, don’t push it - let it go. If they make you ten times happier than your last, compromise!